Three and counting

I would like to commend myself for being strong enough to not take some relationship news personally. The first couple of times I let things like this slide, but three times and I need to call Guinness to see if I hold some sort of record. As of today, three men in which I have previously dated, have either come out since we've dated or have had gay encounters of some type, which we all knows means they are gay, they just are denying it to the world. To protect the identity of these men, I will choose to either not name them or give them absolutely ridiculous names.

COLLEGE: Immediately upon entering a new state, a new school, and a new way of life, I was overwhelmed by everything going on around me. For 18 years, I had been a rule follower, a goody too shoes, if you will. I know it might be hard for some of you to believe, but it was true. Before the me I am today, I was an honor roll/AP student, president of my church youth group, captain of the softball team, editor of the school literary magazine, etc. etc. etc. I pretty much had my choice of whatever school I wanted to. I, however, WANTED to go to school in Texas. And in going away to school, the Polly Perfect persona that I had built in High School was about to change. I wanted to become the person I always wanted to be, not the person my mother wanted me to be. My first role of defiance, going to school in Texas. I don't think pissed would have accurately described her feelings towards my first independent decision. To give you an idea, we still haven't spoken in 14 years, but that's her problem, I digress. The first couple of weeks, inching into months was hard. I didn't realize how home sick I would be, but the one great thing that college does is gives you your own little social network in the dorms that you might not have otherwise found on your own. My dorm assignment was apparently in the "cool kids" girls dorm on campus. I was in heaven. Here I was this tall gangly kid, a long way from home, never really partied a day in her life, having every type of party imaginable at her finger tips. As we girls often do, our "wing" of the dorm sectioned off and became social butterflies roaming around from party to party. As the weeks drug on, we slowly started to form an alliance towards a particular off campus fraternity that threw some of the greatest parties around. These weren't exactly the best looking guys on campus, and if there is one thing I can say about TCU as a whole, we have some pretty people around. The more we became a staple at these parties, the more we got to know the frequenters of these events as well. One group of guys, in particular, I became immediate friends with. Apparently, these 5 gentlemen were not only Sophomores, but they were also suite mates. It was like a one stop shop for hang out time. As I started to spend more time with these guys, a natural closeness started to form with one of the guys in particular. He was amazing. He was funny and charming and had the most contagious laugh on the planet. To watch him smile would light up a room. He just had that presence about him. And of all the male suitors in which I have kissed in my day, I would put him at the top of the list. He was just everything that a girl could want. He always complimented me when I walked in the room and made me feel like I was the most beautiful person around. When you were with him, you thought you were alone. Have I accurately described this person? I was one smitten kitten. We were invited to formals and mixers and all sorts of events, we weren't even affiliated with a fraternity or sorority. We were just that fun to be around. Okay, okay, looking back yeah, there were probably all sorts of red flags, or magenta flags, in his case, but what is a girl to do? When you're in it, do you really want to hear what you don't want to hear? To this day, even though it took many years to become facebook friends, he still hasn't told me himself that he's gay. But, let's be honest, he is. I mean, if the three seconds that I almost fell out of my chair when he popped up in the movie Whip It didn't hammer the nail in that coffin, nothing would. Okay, maybe his facebook pictures....of him wearing yellow pants and bow tie....or a bandanna...on his neck.....and nothing but guys.....half naked.........At the very least, he's given me something to look at. God bless you my little friend, God bless you.

CROFTON: Okay, this one, I've got to be honest is a tough one for me to write about. If I'm completely honest with you guys, which I feel you do deserve, I'm still pretty pissed about this one. To tell you the truth, there is no possible scenario in which I would be okay running into this person again and don't completely wish him well. Breath, okay, now that that's off my chest our story can begin. So douche lord and I met when my best friend and her husband were living in a townhouse right next to him. Apparently, we had been travelling in the same social circles, but had never met. Each one had been told of the others existence, and how much we would get along. There was so much build up, I could hardly wait to meet this magnificent creature. And boy were they right! We were like peas and carrots. From the second we met we were hardly ever apart. I can even remember the first time that he and I went out without anyone else. It was the night before I was heading out to Texas for a fun little trip with Laura and Bo. As a matter of fact, I believe it was Hurricane Katrina weekend. Wow, talk about a sign that two people shouldn't be together. Hey God, next time you want to tell me not to be with someone, you might want that person to get hit by a bus. It might make it clearer to me. So, there we were, drinking EXTREMELY heavily at a very shi shi restaurant in downtown. Getting to know each other a little bit each sip. I don't know when it became okay, but at some point we both walked to the bathroom and just stood in the hallway making out. I couldn't tell you how long it was because I was seriously hammered off fruity martini's. Side note, if I ever mention the words I was drinking martini's chances are good I've gotten pretty off my rocker. So, there is was, the start of one of the most fun relationships I ever had. This boy was a spoiler too. I mean, we ate steak all the time, whenever we went out to dinner, it was to only the best restaurants around, and he owned his own townhouse, in a DC suburb. That's something. I can hardly remember a day or night that went by where we weren't together. Then came the amazing night where we went out with a married couple that we absolutely adored and she and he were talking about how much he cared about me and went as far as to mention marriage. I wasn't sure how serious this was, but apparently things were moving very quickly. That night, he told me that he loved me for the first time. It was awesome. We decided around that time, that we needed to get away, just the two of us. So, we took some time off work and headed down to my parents beach house for a long weekend. As I'm driving (yes this is important to note) DL thought it was the opportune moment to be completely honest with me. You see, all during our courtship there had been rumors and speculations flying around that he and his former room mate had had a fling. I had my suspicions, but I'm always open minded unless someone tells me themselves. He, of course, chose a dark, two lane road, in the middle of night, at the BEGINNING of our trip to tell me the truth. You see, he and his little buddy had "experimented" but it meant nothing. He loved me, it was the Christian thing to do. Of course, I had an influx of questions, beginning with, so are you gay? Do you prefer men? You see, ole DL was in the midst of a religious crisis. He loved church and went every week. I believe that he was praying so hard to have God not make him have these thoughts. I believe he went as far as to know that it wasn't a "Christian" thing to do, so he didn't allow himself to be the person he was meant to be. I heard him out, but things were never the same. Slowly, we started distancing apart. He would have "late night" meetings with these strange guys, only to find out later that he was just trying to "get it out of his system". I had no problem supporting him, if he was gay, I just wanted him to be honest. During our last meal together, he and I sat down and he told me that he wanted to tell me something. I thought to myself, this is it! THIS IS IT! I'm going to be the one person in the world that he can tell that he's gay to. Only the words that came out weren't that. He proceeded to tell me that he's had some life changes going on with him and he needs a little time to figure everything out, but as soon as he was ready to talk about it, that I would be the first person he would call. Now, how could someone be mad at that? Oh, just wait. So, it wasn't 24 hours later, that my grandfather passed away. I was beside myself with grief and planing and helping my grandmother get everything ready. As my cousins and I were shopping for funeral attire, my phone rings. You know those moments in your life where you know exactly where you were, what you were doing and what you had in your hands? This was one of them. It was my best friend. Her first question, are you sitting down? Since my answer was no and I really wasn't in the mood for any type of games, I walked outside to let her continue. She proceeded to tell me that DL had flown to Texas, overnight, and proposed to his ex girlfriend and she said yes. I still, to this day, cannot believe that even happened. Words cannot describe the emotions I was feeling right then. BUT if I were to have to describe what I was feeling, mothers, cover your children's ears, it would be so fucking pissed I want to punch something. I've never really cut my bestie off and never really wanted too, but I couldn't get a grip on everything she had just told me, so I had to hang up. My gay ex-boyfriend had flown to Texas to propose to his ex-girlfriend, who on multiple occasion he described as looking like the little creature for Lord of the Rings that actually keeps the ring. What do you do?!?!? Oh, I tell you what I did. I called that piece of shit excuse for a human being and I told his voicemail that I hope he dies alone by slipping and falling in a pool of AIDS. That is verbatim too. I was so pissed and honestly even writing this makes me a little angry at that ass hat. Do you know that in the past 5 years, that ahole had the nerve to have a child too! What sort of selfish prick does such a thing?!?!?!? Ugh, he makes me want to punch something. A few years ago, I was at lunch with a friend of mine, over by where he works and as we were leaving lunch, I saw him approaching. My immediate thought was to push him into oncoming traffic, but instead I ran right back inside to avoid any sort of confrontation. That piece of garbage doesn't deserve the air I breathe or the time spent talking to, even if I do look good....

2011: All things come in threes right? Well, I hope so because I really want this to be the last surprise. So here we are, almost a full month into the new decade. I can't honestly say that this one is a total shock. I somehow saw this one coming, and really didn't think it would take this long to come out. But, ever since I've been home, one of the common people that I've been hanging out with is a guy I dated YEARS ago. Now nothing has gone on between the two of us since I've been home, but to the common man, one would think that we were dating again, only we're not. Okay, yes, I was the person involved in the dissolving of his engagement many moons ago, but it takes two for a relationship to not work. Turn those judging eyes off. We've gone to movies and dinner and happy hours and the white house. It's been fun. But, I honestly never looked into it being anything more than us just having a really good time. Well, apparently, he's been holding on to this big secret for so long that he just couldn't keep it in any longer, so, over FACEBOOK, he decides to start a little chat. I mean honestly, who tells something so big to someone that means anything to them, over facebook. I mean, I knew it was coming, but bless his little heart that he didn't know what to say. But, he just wanted me to know that he was into both girls and boys.......I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to take a stand here, any boy that likes boy parts, doesn't like girls. I almost feel like we're the gateway drug to what you're really trying to get. Boys are not bi, they are in transition and it just might make them feel better to say it that way. Maybe it sounds less gay. Not to me, but maybe to them....okay, so here I am, sitting in front of my computer, armed with knowledge I already kind of knew, talking, no facebook chatting with someone who is probably terrified on the other end of the computer. So, I did what any person SHOULD do with a person that comes out. You say "so what", because honestly at the end of the day, they are still that person that you love, now they are just allowed to be honest about themselves. I would be surprised if I didn't love them more.

So this is how my brain has been working today. I wish nothing but the best for 2 out of the 3 boys in my past. The other one I would just as rather him fade away. I will say this on record though, if Craig and/or Bryan come out in my lifetime, I will hang up dating for the rest of my life and become a nun.