There are about a billion reasons I know that I'm not ready to be a mom, but if watching after a one year old, all on your own, for an entire day, doesn't let you know one way or another, I'm not sure anything will. As if any of us are really ready to become parents at all, but I'm thoroughly convinced that I should stick with dogs for a while. Keep in mind, while reading this story that this is the coolest, easiest child that has ever walked the face of the earth. It's nothing that he's done, or hasn't done that has made me come to this realization, but just the concept of motherhood as a whole is a little foreign to me. So let's start from the beginning. First, why in the hell is my dog waking up before a child?!?! Shouldn't that be the other way around? Why is my dog scratching at the door at 7:15 while little baby Tristan is still quietly in his room? Why, b/c Scout's mom is a spazoid spoiler and Tristan's mom is relaxed and chill. So, we head down to breakfast where mom has already made us coffee and is starting in on the Oatmeal for three! I can hardly believe it! I guess a year of practice under your belt and you figure out how to feed yourself at the same time as your child. I, on the other hand, am busy shoving food in my mouth, while patient little Tristan sits and waits for me to feed him. It's only minutes that we're both awake and already I'm selfishly taking care of my needs first :o) Mom leaves for work and I take a look at the clock. 8:05, only 2 hours and 15 minutes until the first nap, what in the world do we do? Okay, let's go into the play room, throw around some Lego's, dance to some music and see how long that takes us. 40 minutes later and about one thousand attempts at moving up the stairs, I decide it's about time to take a walk around the block. If I time this right, I can take about an hour long walk with the baby and the dog and once we get back, we can sit down for a little bit before it's time for bottle and nap. This plan sounds REALLY good before executed. So, the big decision, who gets suited up first? Does the baby go in the stroller, followed by Scout into her harness, or do I attempt to suit Scout up, followed by getting Tristan into his stroller. No, no, the second one will never work, so I placed baby Tristan into the stroller, get Scout into the harness, hold onto the leash and we're off....One driveway...before we're stopped by the neighbors, who don't actually realize that I'm not mom and proceed to have a conversation with me about how it's going to hit me hard when Tristan gets his first haircut. Let me take a minute to paint the mental picture of what I'm dealing with though. I have two severely overweight women, one of which is mentally handicapped, both in wheelchairs, and chasing the dog while squealing at her to come let the lady pet her. Scout is pretty much afraid of ANYTHING, and if you chase her, she's afraid of even more. But how do I explain to this lady that it's not her, and to please stop chasing Scout b/c I have absolutely no idea what she would do. I finally convince the girl to sit down and maybe we'll get to see them on our way back. As I'm rounding the corner, all I can hear the girl say is, "that doggy was afraid of me and didn't like me". The exact thing I was trying to avoid, but it looks like I failed. So, we're on our way again. If you have never tempted to walk a puppy while pushing a stroller on a busy street where buses are passing by, I don't recommend it. I've got Scout on one side trying to exit the premises in anyway possible, while consistently being run over by the stroller that she keeps walking in front of. I have explained to her, on multiple occasions, that she is the dog. And as the dog, you do not get the right of way. Apparently I have reached her 1,000 word maximum of the understanding of the English language b/c this concept is not sinking in. Either is, stick to your side of the street b/c you're going to get hit by the stroller. But hey, she can't say I didn't warn her. Well, after a 50 minute walk, we reached the end of the neighbor, got back to the house without any further interruptions, but we still had about 30 minutes before it was time to hit the sack. Something told me we had a messy diaper though. It had been far too long since the last one was changed so I thought I would take a chance. We head upstairs, and have absolutely no problem laying down to get the diaper changed either! Ask Heather, lately, this has been a feat to keep him still. I open the diaper to find the biggest mess a tiny thing could create. I guess after cleaning up dog poop with your hands, most anything doesn't gross you out anymore, which is shocking to me. B/c before Scout, I would have probably thrown up on the actual diaper at this mess. This thing is everywhere too! No wonder he wasn't wiggling, he wanted out of this mess! You've heard of a two flusher, this one was a two wiper. Yuck. Clean diaper on and we head back downstairs. He's not interested in hanging out on the floor, so I decide that we have just enough time to pop in one of the greatest inventions of all time, Baby Einstein. I can't remember if I've talked about this invention before, but genius! Absolute genius. Goes to show that you just need one good idea. For those of you who don't know, Baby Einstein is this visual and audio stimulus for baby's. It's a mixture of sounds and pictures on their attention span. It's like legal crack for babies. It's honestly the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Your kid can be up to absolutely no good and you pop this thing in and they stop doing what they are doing and are mesmerized by the screen. I have never seen anything like it before in my life. I don't understand what parents did before it. Once it was over though it was time for a bottle and nap. Which leads us up to current time. At 11:15, I feel like I've done everything but milk the cows and feed the pigs. I guess we'll just have to go to the park after this nap and our grilled cheese sandwiches.
Kudos to you stay at home moms. I don't have enough patience or activities to do what you do every day of your life. You deserve medals.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Funemployment
This weekend I learned the best word that completely describes the time I've been having over the past couple of months. I would like to give credit to my good friend Melanie for introducing me to funemployment. And boy has it been! So much so that I went on two job interviews with the same company last week, they offered me the job, I took the weekend to think about it, and I still can't decide if I want to take it. Now, I understand that the whole purpose behind working is to make money. Those fortunate few people that actually love what they do and don't consider it work, the rest of us want to know your secret. But, I don't think I'm done enjoying my time here. Sure, the well is certainly going to run dry, and quick. But who's in a hurry? The funniest part about this whole job offer is the main reason I don't want to take it is b/c the salary is so low. HA! Can you imagine? Someone, who doesn't actually have steady income flowing in, saying that she doesn't want to take a job b/c she doesn't think it's enough money. It's hard to explain to people, but one of the main reasons I left my last job was b/c I felt I was burnt out. I'm 32 years old. I've been working my whole life and I reached a point where I just wanted to take some time for myself and figure out what I wanted. What I was passionate about. I don't want a job that will stress me out. I don't want to feel like I'm saving babies, when I'm not, and I certainly don't want to stress about money when I don't need too. I get that when I moved back here, things were going to cost a lot more money. Did you know that moving from Winston Salem back to the DC area increased my cost of living expenses by 71%?!?! Now, add on top of that that the job that was offered would be lowering what I was making before by $25k! Is it a great job? Eh, it's okay. I haven't honestly even started looking for a new one yet, so I'm not entirely sure what's out there. But, I did tell myself, upon leaving The Dash that it's not about the money, as long as I'm doing what's making me happy. However, that's the part I'm at right now. I have no idea what would make me happy. I love relaxing. I love taking this time off. I hate being on my computer and can't pay attention long enough to write my blog every day unless I have a million people yelling at me. I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. So, I'm stuck. On one hand I have a job offer, that would pay me money, but I would be working insane hours at a high stress level, in a few months. On the other hand, I have nothing :o) Why am I loving nothing so much? Why do I feel that when I really put my mind to it that I'll find the perfect job, no problem? Why would I rather make beans working at a Doggie Day Care, than get paid an actual salary at a grown up job? Dear world, these are the grown up decisions I am faced with every day! I've got a follow up call in 10 minutes I need to prepare for. Wish me luck and I'll let you all know what I decide :o)
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Funniest thing ever. Be ready to laugh your ass off!
I would like to send a shout out to Robert Smith for sending this link to me. It is quiet possibly the funniest this I have ever seen. So, in replacement of a normal blog entry for today, I leave you with this. Enjoy my friends!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Oh Fatty McGee, you're the fattest!
Isn't it utterly amazing how one can feel like they've been running around all day and then accomplish nothing? These past couple of days have been so exhausting for me and I don't think I've really done anything. I mean sure, I've helped a friend in need out, and I've been to the gym twice, finished reading a book, almost finished the entire season two of Friday Night Lights, so how in the world can I be so tired right now? What have I actually done? Maybe it's all this excess weight I'm carrying around. I would like to officially tell my friends that they are in punishment. How could NO ONE tell me how much I've been letting myself go?!?!? I stood on the scale in the trainers office yesterday and wanted to cry. I know my pants/shorts were fitting a little snug, but I just thought I was retaining water, not food! And upon analysis, I could actually lose 23 pounds. 23 POUNDS! WTF! It was right then and there that I decided it might not matter what in the world might also cost $360, this lady was going to train me for the next 2.5 months to lose this terribleness. I mean, where did it all come from?!?!? I saw pictures of me from Chicago and can't believe that ANY ONE would have wanted to spend time with my frumpy ass. I didn't give a crap what I was looking like. T-shirts and shorts every day. Makeup, if you were lucky. A shower, but definitely no hair drying. There is being on vacation and then there is just plain letting yourself go. Not to mention that on Monday, after an extremely mentally stressful weekend, I was welcomed by my step mom asking me if I wanted to go to Weight Watchers with her as "you know, a girly thing to do". HOLY CRAP people! So that was it for me. This lady had me sweating like the fat girl I am, and I still stayed an extra 30 minutes to ride the bike. Today, I managed to take a Pilates class, followed by another 45 minutes on the bike and a 30 minute steaming hot walk up to the library to return the book. I'm so baffled. How does one take their dog for a minimum 30 minute walk, every day, in the blazing heat, walking at least under a 15 minute mile and still feel like she should apologize to the bike she's sitting on? In case you couldn't tell, I'm a little disappointed in myself here. Once I let the P90x go, everything else just went with it. And to top it off, I want nothing more than to shove a mouth full of carbs into my pie hole! Did my body just say, hey guess what 32 year old, you think you can go off and eat that piece of pizza and it's not going to show up on your tire or your ass anymore? Think again hot shot! Well, I'll show you fat ass! So what if I can't reach my calves when asked to touch them in Pilates (on my back people, I'm not THAT bad yet)?! I'll get there. So what, if my shirt is soaking wet when I leave the gym and I've been there an hour and 45 minutes?! No excuses any more. Trainer Katie says that the biggest reason people don't workout is because of time. She then went on to look at me and tell me that I don't get that excuse. I have nothing but time. So, in true fat girl fashion, I asked her how long one should stay at the gym doing their lifting. Hoping that there might be some sort of loop hole right now. Oh no, that excuse caboose is leaving the station. My mission will now be that cardio will be done at least 30-45 a day, along with 3 days a week of lifting. And I will go through my expenses and find a way to have Katie train me at least one of those days. I have to have someone kick my ass and tell me what a sweaty pig I am :o) I'm leaving to go gnaw on a lettuce leaf or two.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The Grass isn't always Greener
So, the last time we were with our hero, she was in the midst of a "love triangle" between a perfect stranger and the guy who had been rolling the red carpet out for her. The predicament was, can she find the total stranger, or does she just let it go and stick with what she has? To find out what she does, we need to go back to the scene of the crime. I believe we last left off with the second to last day of my Chicago trip. This day I was only in charge of one munchkin and this one wanted pool time and start gazing time and just more energy than one person should have. So I called in the Calvary of reinforcements from Maine. After two hours in the pool that morning. That's right, TWO HOURS and running on about 5 hours of sleep, Emma, 10YO and I are joined by, let's just call him, Mister Wizard. Mister Wizard had been travelling the country and thought that he would bump his Chicago trip up early to come visit me and help out with the girls. Little did I know that instead of adding one more adult to the mix, I was, unfortunately joined by a third child. Again, let this be said. I completely appreciate the fact that this guy drove all this way to come see me when I have absolutely no idea when the next I will see him is, but I did want him with me more for moral support rather than added stress. What he thought was helping, wasn't. So, I leave the children to play for a little while, and know that soon, we are going to have to head up to the room, shower and begin our journey to the planetarium before it was too late. It was almost too easy getting Emma out of the pool. It was MW that wanted to stay in. Apparently someone hadn't showered in like 3 days, so this was kind of a refresher course for him. Yeah, exactly, gross. I'm not making this up either. He actually said these words. To me...and a 10YO, which of course is going to be repeated....a number of times....to anyone that will listen. This happened quiet a bit, unfortunately during the few days he was with us, so it's good to know your audience. We clean, we change, we're on our way. It was at the Aquarium where I looked ahead and thought that the Planetarium looked way closer from the hotel than it did from where my feet and body were at the present time. But, it was during this walk that MW and Emma became the best of friends, so in a way, it was worth it. We finally get to the Planet Arium where we find out that we have two movie options that we can sit down to watch. But, true to this entire weeks schedule, we have to leave now b/c the first one is starting in 3 minutes. Of course it is. Oh, and another important note to know about this exact moment, MW hadn't eaten all day and it was like 12:30, Emma was starting to get hungry, the movie was 23 minutes, followed by the second feature which was 37 minutes so we couldn't eat until 2. Plus, they were trying to sell me another movie that was 45 minutes long. Second note to the Museum staff in Chicago: Your audience is made up of primarily small children who can't sit still for longer than 10 minutes unless you have a Jonas Brother, Miley Cirus, or Justin Beiber. Please stop making these terrible movies so long. Half way through, no one is paying attention to what is going on and instead is listening to the kid in the background who is confused about whatever is being said b/c he's taking it literally. Finally we are able to sit down and eat something. By this time, we're all so hungry that we actually get desert too. For the record, this museum blows! There are three floors, two of which are movie theaters. The other floor has a kids exploration center and a solar system area. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't planetariums supposed to have constellations in them. Aren't you supposed to be able to sit in a room and someone points out all the stars in the sky? I know growing up we had field trips, to what would become my high school. And Old Jack, yes, that was his name, would take out his awesome laser pointer and shoot us across the night sky. It was memorable. Ask any kid that grew up in this area around the same time as I did and they would probably say the same thing. But this place was a dump! I think this might have been the quickest place we got through. I actually felt bad for MW b/c this was right up his alley, but even he thought it sucked. So, we leave, grab some Italian Ice for the walk back and, of course, someone wants more pool time. This time I'm not getting in. I give them both 45 minutes b/c now the plan is to head across town, get a thick slice of pizza and head to Navy Pier to watch the fireworks. I hope you guys are getting tired just reading this and understand what exactly is going into the task that is becoming this trip to Chicago. Luckily the 13YO is back so I have some back up. We get everyone right on schedule, get to our pizza place, dominate more food and head to the Pier. I've promised a Haunted House and been promised a beer. So, while the two little ones were in the house, I got my drink on outside. It is at this exactly moment that I realize that MW is my little life saver. He's providing the beer. A short time later, my little oasis is interrupted. We walk around the mall, find candy, head back out to watch the fireworks with my little dancers. Tomorrow I'm going to have to post the video of them dancing. It's way too much. They are a funny bunch. I call them my cute little ninjas. They look innocent, but trust me, under that layer of sugar and spice is nothing but trouble in the making. In all honesty, it was a great way to round out the week. Having these two little girls that I've known since they were born, getting along with a great guy, in one of most wonderful cities in the country. I know that I bitched a lot about how worn down they made me, and they did make me, but I did have a great time!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Beautiful Babies
Sorry, I have no idea what gets into me these days. Sitting down at a computer for longer than 1 hour really burns me out. Not to mention it's been about 100 degrees every day this week so when Scout and I go on our daily walks I know I've burnt about a million calories so I'm a little sleepy and distracted.
But where were we?
Ah yes, Wednesday: The mother of all days in Chicago. We did so much stuff this day I thought my body was actually just going to stop moving. We woke up, got our fuel on with some breakfast and headed out to the aquarium. Now, I heart aquariums. I think that marine life is so beautiful and I'm glad that I'm joined by two little children that feel the same way. However, I would like to write a note to the people in charge of museums in Chicago. Please stop sending us to shows within 45 minutes of our arrival. We all know what happened in the field museum when you did that. How is one able to enjoy the sights when you have to constantly look at your watch? But I digress. I'm sure there is a reason that this is done, I just can't seem to figure out why you can't pick your own times. We were able to spend a good time at this location, but not enough that the girls weren't bored by 3 o'clock. So, we headed back to the hotel all the while thinking of our next move. My thought was a quick nap, time to recharge, they could watch a movie or something. But I was quickly over ruled and told we were going to head back to the hotel, grab the American Girl dolls and then we were going to head out again. Seriously? I've just spend 4 hours in an aquarium and now I have to head downtown to get a dolls hair fixed? (Stomp feet and pout) FINE. So, with dolls in hands and explanations given that when they get tired of holding the dolls that I will not be the one to hold them, we head out. Stupidly, I decided to take the girls on the train, downtown, at what could be the start of rush hour. Luckily we have some city girls with us, so it's not too scary. As we walk into this doll museum I can't help but notice how clean this place is. How expensive it must be to own or lease a two story building on Michigan Ave that sells nothing but dolls and doll accessories. There are about 10 sales people on the floor all doing close to nothing. We ask one where the doll salon is and we head upstairs. Allow me a few moments to describe what exactly I walked into. Imagine if you will your local Hair Cuttery/Great Clips/pick your poison local $20 salon. There are red velvet ropes that lead you to a line of small chairs in which your dolls are placed TO GET THEIR HAIR DONE! You are allowed to flip through a book to see which hair style you would like done and located next to each style is a price. I thought I was looking at the wrong thing. $20! $20 for you to sit this small ass doll in a chair and braid its hair? This has to be a joke, right? Well, considering that we came all the way down here for this specific reason, I leave the 13YO in line while I have to take the 10YO to the doll hospital. Again, you are reading this all correctly, THE DOLL HOSPITAL! Apparently when the little one was 6 she decided that she didn't like the dolls hair, so she cut it. The $150 dolls hair, she just didn't like, so she cut it. As we placed the hot mess on the counter, the "Doctor on duty" arrives. The first thing out of her mouth is "Oh wow". I look over at Emma and say, "just a piece of advice kid, when a doctor says oh, wow, it's not going to be good news". Apparently when you cut the dolls hair, they have to send it back and get an entirely new head. This entire process not only takes 3 weeks, but costs $40! I couldn't actually believe what I was hearing. You mean, you can't just take a head from another one of your thousands of dolls that haven't been sold for the day and slap that on? Oh no, there is an actual process. Note to self, invest in American Girl store! Armed with the terrible news, we head back into the hair line with sister seeing that she hasn't moved an inch. About 15 minutes later, one of the hair techs finally calls us up to see what we would like done. Apparently we would like Molly to look like Molly again. No problem. She looks down at her book and tells me that she has an opening at 5. I honestly didn't have words at the moment. We've been standing in line for 30 minutes and now I have to wait another hour in order to get the dolls hair braided. Now, if these were my kids, their doll would have to keep their nappy heads and just deal with all the crap that they brought on themselves, but unfortunately that's not what we're here for. So, we leave the doll with the "beautician" and we are afforded an hour to look through this store once again. OH HOORAY, dreams really do come true! We ascend back down the escalator, b/c I refused to allow these hens to hear what I was about to say. Plus, we needed some sort of system as to how we were going to get back upstairs. About half way down, I notice a familiar figure to my left. No way, it couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be. Here?!?!?! In this store? Yup, it sure looks like it. Vince Vaughn was in line at the doll portrait studio. Grey sweatpants, Chicago Bears t-shirt, looking like a creepy pedophile in line at the doll portrait studio. On any normal day, I would think this is acceptable. However, Vince Vaughn does not have children. Vince Vaughn oozes cool. Vince Vaughn was in Wedding Crashers! WTF was he doing in this money sucker? I felt a little better being there myself, but still. Totally uncool Vince. You should probably leave now. But, unfortunately, he didn't hear the words in my head and ended up staying there as long as I did. I wonder if he had a hair appointment? It would be a great Saturday Night Live skit, that's for sure. I certainly won't bore you with what happened while we waited, so I'll shoot right back to an hour later when we were able to have a turn in the chair. LaShonda was our tech. Normally you would think that I was being racist and you would stop reading, but that was her real name, so read on. LaShonda was irritated that she had more work to do and had to stay until 6:30, you know, since she had been here since 9. Then LaShonda went on to tell the 13YO that she was short. It was at that moment that I had to look around and make sure that we weren't in a normal salon. I'm wondering if LaShonda knew she was talking to a 13YO and even if you use the words no offense, they are going to take offense to it. She's 13. If the wind shifted the wrong way she would get pissed. Okay, yes, she is small, but she's 13. Come on LaShonda. And then she went on. "Yeah, my 14 year old is getting mad at my 11 year old b/c she's getting taller than her. I keep explaining to her that her daddy is only 5'8 while the other ones daddy is 6'3". Insert look of shock and awe here. I'm sorry, come again?! LaShonda, I do not know you, and I certainly don't know your situation, but please, for all that is good and holy, PLEASE stop talking immediately. Thankfully the story stopped there....or did it. She went on to comment that between her and her two girls, they own 10 American Girl dolls and then let us in on the secret exlicar ingredient in what she was doing. WATER! The only thing that girl was doing to Mollys hair was putting water in it and braiding it. Calling all American Girl doll owners. I have more water than I know what to do with. I'll braid your dolls hair for $10! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! People, or particularly my friend spent $20 to get a dolls hair braided, to find out that all they use is water! What a rip off. Of course, your first mistake was buying a doll for $150 that doesn't sit on a shelf, but that's just me. At about the end of my patience and hunger rope, LaShonda finally finished and we were once again on our way to another location. This time by cab b/c I was so exhausted both physically and mentally, I wasn't sure I was able to go on. This time it was the little ones turn to pick dinner so we were off to Hard Rock. It would have been ESPN Zone, but someone had to close and ruin all the fun. Dinner was uneventful so I'll skip right to the good stuff..........I had a made a deal with 10YO that IF we were to go to the pool after dinner, she had to be absolutely quiet while I was in the hot tub. This would be the first time that I put a suit on this entire trip, but I need a good turn in the hot tub so bad. Every part of me was aching. So we headed down to the pool and they did as they were told. About 5 minutes in a handsome stranger came and sat with me. We started talking and just totally hit it off. I don't think he was there longer than 15 minutes before he had said that he had to go, but totally asked me out for that night. Things like that never happen to me and I almost thought it was a joke, but we made plans to meet up later, once momma got home. It has to be the most romantic thing that has ever happened, in my life. The girls were ecstatic. They were in the midst of planning my wedding as we headed upstairs. Now, keep in mind, how absolutely exhausted I was, but since I'm living my life without the what ifs I went. And he actually showed up. His name was Ben, he's my age, living in NYC, on a little bit of a life break since he's going through this terrible divorce. So, he and his buddy decided to do a cross country trip. We sat and talked about EVERYTHING. Everything in his life, everything in my life. What I'm going through, what he's going through. It was almost like this was right out of the movies. We stayed up talking until 3 in the morning. Just talking. It was amazing! As we were heading back to the hotel, I didn't want to night to end, but it needed to, as one of the girls was getting up in an hour to go to work with her mom. So, we parted ways at the elevator where he told me that he was in room....18 blah blah blah, but he would see me at the pool the next day, right? I turn and say that I was in room 2505 and absolutely. So with that, we rode separately into the night, or early morning. However, during this "date" I had received a text from an amazing person that keeps putting forth great efforts and had decided to come to Chicago the next day to visit me and the girls. Unfortunately, I didn't look at this text until 3 am and didn't know that going to the pool was not going to happen. So, as was the most romantic moment of my life, it has now been the most disappointing moment of my life, as I don't know this guys last name or phone number. All I keep thinking of is the movie Serendipity, where if it's supposed to happen again, it will. Now, all that BS being said, if any of you know the married name of Camille Ford from the Travel Channel or know her ex husband Ben and how I can find him, PLEASE let me know! I'll tell you what happens next, tomorrow :)
But where were we?
Ah yes, Wednesday: The mother of all days in Chicago. We did so much stuff this day I thought my body was actually just going to stop moving. We woke up, got our fuel on with some breakfast and headed out to the aquarium. Now, I heart aquariums. I think that marine life is so beautiful and I'm glad that I'm joined by two little children that feel the same way. However, I would like to write a note to the people in charge of museums in Chicago. Please stop sending us to shows within 45 minutes of our arrival. We all know what happened in the field museum when you did that. How is one able to enjoy the sights when you have to constantly look at your watch? But I digress. I'm sure there is a reason that this is done, I just can't seem to figure out why you can't pick your own times. We were able to spend a good time at this location, but not enough that the girls weren't bored by 3 o'clock. So, we headed back to the hotel all the while thinking of our next move. My thought was a quick nap, time to recharge, they could watch a movie or something. But I was quickly over ruled and told we were going to head back to the hotel, grab the American Girl dolls and then we were going to head out again. Seriously? I've just spend 4 hours in an aquarium and now I have to head downtown to get a dolls hair fixed? (Stomp feet and pout) FINE. So, with dolls in hands and explanations given that when they get tired of holding the dolls that I will not be the one to hold them, we head out. Stupidly, I decided to take the girls on the train, downtown, at what could be the start of rush hour. Luckily we have some city girls with us, so it's not too scary. As we walk into this doll museum I can't help but notice how clean this place is. How expensive it must be to own or lease a two story building on Michigan Ave that sells nothing but dolls and doll accessories. There are about 10 sales people on the floor all doing close to nothing. We ask one where the doll salon is and we head upstairs. Allow me a few moments to describe what exactly I walked into. Imagine if you will your local Hair Cuttery/Great Clips/pick your poison local $20 salon. There are red velvet ropes that lead you to a line of small chairs in which your dolls are placed TO GET THEIR HAIR DONE! You are allowed to flip through a book to see which hair style you would like done and located next to each style is a price. I thought I was looking at the wrong thing. $20! $20 for you to sit this small ass doll in a chair and braid its hair? This has to be a joke, right? Well, considering that we came all the way down here for this specific reason, I leave the 13YO in line while I have to take the 10YO to the doll hospital. Again, you are reading this all correctly, THE DOLL HOSPITAL! Apparently when the little one was 6 she decided that she didn't like the dolls hair, so she cut it. The $150 dolls hair, she just didn't like, so she cut it. As we placed the hot mess on the counter, the "Doctor on duty" arrives. The first thing out of her mouth is "Oh wow". I look over at Emma and say, "just a piece of advice kid, when a doctor says oh, wow, it's not going to be good news". Apparently when you cut the dolls hair, they have to send it back and get an entirely new head. This entire process not only takes 3 weeks, but costs $40! I couldn't actually believe what I was hearing. You mean, you can't just take a head from another one of your thousands of dolls that haven't been sold for the day and slap that on? Oh no, there is an actual process. Note to self, invest in American Girl store! Armed with the terrible news, we head back into the hair line with sister seeing that she hasn't moved an inch. About 15 minutes later, one of the hair techs finally calls us up to see what we would like done. Apparently we would like Molly to look like Molly again. No problem. She looks down at her book and tells me that she has an opening at 5. I honestly didn't have words at the moment. We've been standing in line for 30 minutes and now I have to wait another hour in order to get the dolls hair braided. Now, if these were my kids, their doll would have to keep their nappy heads and just deal with all the crap that they brought on themselves, but unfortunately that's not what we're here for. So, we leave the doll with the "beautician" and we are afforded an hour to look through this store once again. OH HOORAY, dreams really do come true! We ascend back down the escalator, b/c I refused to allow these hens to hear what I was about to say. Plus, we needed some sort of system as to how we were going to get back upstairs. About half way down, I notice a familiar figure to my left. No way, it couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be. Here?!?!?! In this store? Yup, it sure looks like it. Vince Vaughn was in line at the doll portrait studio. Grey sweatpants, Chicago Bears t-shirt, looking like a creepy pedophile in line at the doll portrait studio. On any normal day, I would think this is acceptable. However, Vince Vaughn does not have children. Vince Vaughn oozes cool. Vince Vaughn was in Wedding Crashers! WTF was he doing in this money sucker? I felt a little better being there myself, but still. Totally uncool Vince. You should probably leave now. But, unfortunately, he didn't hear the words in my head and ended up staying there as long as I did. I wonder if he had a hair appointment? It would be a great Saturday Night Live skit, that's for sure. I certainly won't bore you with what happened while we waited, so I'll shoot right back to an hour later when we were able to have a turn in the chair. LaShonda was our tech. Normally you would think that I was being racist and you would stop reading, but that was her real name, so read on. LaShonda was irritated that she had more work to do and had to stay until 6:30, you know, since she had been here since 9. Then LaShonda went on to tell the 13YO that she was short. It was at that moment that I had to look around and make sure that we weren't in a normal salon. I'm wondering if LaShonda knew she was talking to a 13YO and even if you use the words no offense, they are going to take offense to it. She's 13. If the wind shifted the wrong way she would get pissed. Okay, yes, she is small, but she's 13. Come on LaShonda. And then she went on. "Yeah, my 14 year old is getting mad at my 11 year old b/c she's getting taller than her. I keep explaining to her that her daddy is only 5'8 while the other ones daddy is 6'3". Insert look of shock and awe here. I'm sorry, come again?! LaShonda, I do not know you, and I certainly don't know your situation, but please, for all that is good and holy, PLEASE stop talking immediately. Thankfully the story stopped there....or did it. She went on to comment that between her and her two girls, they own 10 American Girl dolls and then let us in on the secret exlicar ingredient in what she was doing. WATER! The only thing that girl was doing to Mollys hair was putting water in it and braiding it. Calling all American Girl doll owners. I have more water than I know what to do with. I'll braid your dolls hair for $10! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! People, or particularly my friend spent $20 to get a dolls hair braided, to find out that all they use is water! What a rip off. Of course, your first mistake was buying a doll for $150 that doesn't sit on a shelf, but that's just me. At about the end of my patience and hunger rope, LaShonda finally finished and we were once again on our way to another location. This time by cab b/c I was so exhausted both physically and mentally, I wasn't sure I was able to go on. This time it was the little ones turn to pick dinner so we were off to Hard Rock. It would have been ESPN Zone, but someone had to close and ruin all the fun. Dinner was uneventful so I'll skip right to the good stuff..........I had a made a deal with 10YO that IF we were to go to the pool after dinner, she had to be absolutely quiet while I was in the hot tub. This would be the first time that I put a suit on this entire trip, but I need a good turn in the hot tub so bad. Every part of me was aching. So we headed down to the pool and they did as they were told. About 5 minutes in a handsome stranger came and sat with me. We started talking and just totally hit it off. I don't think he was there longer than 15 minutes before he had said that he had to go, but totally asked me out for that night. Things like that never happen to me and I almost thought it was a joke, but we made plans to meet up later, once momma got home. It has to be the most romantic thing that has ever happened, in my life. The girls were ecstatic. They were in the midst of planning my wedding as we headed upstairs. Now, keep in mind, how absolutely exhausted I was, but since I'm living my life without the what ifs I went. And he actually showed up. His name was Ben, he's my age, living in NYC, on a little bit of a life break since he's going through this terrible divorce. So, he and his buddy decided to do a cross country trip. We sat and talked about EVERYTHING. Everything in his life, everything in my life. What I'm going through, what he's going through. It was almost like this was right out of the movies. We stayed up talking until 3 in the morning. Just talking. It was amazing! As we were heading back to the hotel, I didn't want to night to end, but it needed to, as one of the girls was getting up in an hour to go to work with her mom. So, we parted ways at the elevator where he told me that he was in room....18 blah blah blah, but he would see me at the pool the next day, right? I turn and say that I was in room 2505 and absolutely. So with that, we rode separately into the night, or early morning. However, during this "date" I had received a text from an amazing person that keeps putting forth great efforts and had decided to come to Chicago the next day to visit me and the girls. Unfortunately, I didn't look at this text until 3 am and didn't know that going to the pool was not going to happen. So, as was the most romantic moment of my life, it has now been the most disappointing moment of my life, as I don't know this guys last name or phone number. All I keep thinking of is the movie Serendipity, where if it's supposed to happen again, it will. Now, all that BS being said, if any of you know the married name of Camille Ford from the Travel Channel or know her ex husband Ben and how I can find him, PLEASE let me know! I'll tell you what happens next, tomorrow :)
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
My Kind of Town....Chicago is
Chi Town, the Windy City, Sweet Home Chicago. In case you aren't very good at picking up clues, the next phase of our "retirement" adventure lead me to the amazing city of Chicago. Now, I've been to Chicago a handful of times, but I have never gone in the summer. I always hear people talking about how nice Chicago is in the summer time, but I figured it was just like any other city during the summer, hot. Not the case! Chicago is probably the nicest city I have ever been to in August. The breeze is blowing just so and the actual temperature is so mild that if you were to wear jeans or long pants, you wouldn't die. It was amazing! So, what was I doing in Chicago you ask yourself? Well, a friend needed some help with her kids, so I went. I have known these kids their whole lives and the last time I spent time with them I swore they were not allowed back into my house, but it had been 3 years since that incident so I figured I was okay. I felt that a 10 and 13 year old couldn't cause too much physcological damage, right? Well, yes and no. I certainly didn't walk away from this little adventure wanting a bus load of my own, but I do still love the girls. How else would I have let them live? It appeared that upon my arrival, the four days of my trip were already planned out for me. There were things we could do and things that had to wait until daddy got there. So, of course I got to endure the crap, while daddy got to wait for the reward. Let's go in order of days in which I was there.
Sunday: Arrive after a long weekend of family gatherings and parties. I had the ability to sit down for approximately 12 seconds before the question of what we were going to do the rest of the night was asked. Luckily mom was around to help field these questions. The answer, walk over to Navy Pier, look around and eat dinner. As I look out the window of our hotel on S. Michigan Ave, I kindly suggest to momma bear that we take a cab. Navy Pier might look close, but to four little legs this is not going to be fun. So, with cameras, kids and a map in toe we head out. Got to walk through Grant Park, see Buckingham Fountain, took a few pictures, then found a cab. Got to Navy Pier, heard at almost every opportunity, mom, I want to ride that! Mom, I need that! Stop pulling the bag! Stop walking so close to me. AHHHHHH! This was only day one. I needed a beer, stat! Thankfully mom was on the same page. So, after reaching the end of the Pier, finding the beer garden, allowing the kids to ride ONE ride, we got to sit down at the infamous Billy Goats Tavern. You know the one, Cheezbooger, Cheezbooger, Cheezbooger. Pepsi, no Coke. Chips, no fries? Billy Murray SNL skit? Any who, this is the moment where my body finally got to relax with a cold beer in my hands. It was amazing! And as I looked down at my watch, I realized it was only 8:30! Holy crap. How long do children stay awake? Anyway, thankfully mom was on the same page once again. Now the plan was as soon as we were done dinner, we would go back to the hotel and head to the pool. Well, they would go to the pool. Someone was feeling terrible about themselves so someone was not getting in a suit, which was just fine by me b/c I wasn't interested in getting in the pool anyway. I would get to sit there and read......right. If you don't have children and you think that anything is easy when they are around, think again. You get questions and watch me do this and tell me who does this better. I did actually ask the 10 year old where her off switch was. Unfortunately it's up her nose to the left, so I left it alone. As one would think leaving the pool and heading up to bed would be the easiest thing to do, even that lead to complications. Where was everyone sleeping, who got to sleep with mommy and who got to sleep with Katherine. At that point all I wanted was a shower and to lay down. Luckily while I was bathing the decision was made for me. So all was well as we headed off to dream land.
Monday: When traveling with me, if there is one thing people can count on, it would be that I ALWAYS have at least one workout outfit with me. You never know when you really need a run. It's the ultimate relaxer for me. Well, for some reason, this trip, I didn't bring one. Not a sports bra, not a gym short, nothing. And what would you know, the 13 year old wants to train for her 5k that she has coming up next weekend. Of course. So, I find the nearest Target, which luckily was within walking distance, and we head out. One sports bra, one pair of shorts, three pairs of underwear, one pair of really cute shoes that I got a great deal on and $57 dollars later, we leave. I actually had the 13YO recheck the receipt to make sure I paid for everything correctly. Who would think that a sports bra, in which I have about 20 of at home, would be the most expensive thing I would purchase? Oh and we also bought a case of 24 bottles of water for $3. I couldn't resist, since we had a suite. Note to self though, in the event that you are going to buy a case of water, maybe you should be within one or two walking blocks of you current place of residence. Carrying that much water for about 10 blocks has a tendency to strain your arms. An idea that looked great on paper. 30 minutes later, we got back to the room, changed our clothes and we were out again. Only to be informed that 13 year old only wanted to run a mile. After explaining to her that our little walk to and from Target to purchase $57 worth of anything should afford me the opportunity to run until I couldn't run anymore. She agreed, we were on our way. I let her lead, b/c neither one of us had any idea where we were going, but our Cardio Tracker was keeping track and the park was a big square so nothing could really go wrong. However, little legs, although little, can run much faster than older, longer legs. Who knew? Another 30 minutes later, we were both finished running and knew we had to go get the little one. So a quick shower and we were back on our way to the train station to pick up 10 year old, who happened to go into work with her mom. A stop in to Potbelly to grab some lunch, a first "El" experience for the 13 year old, a trek in the wrong direction, for a little bit and we were off. We turn the corner onto Michigan Ave, the other end, and we are greeted by a movie set. 13YO is so enamored with whoever it might be that the stories just keep flowing...what if it's blah blah blah. What if I get discovered? And all I'm thinking is, what if this is an episode of the Dog Whisperer and you're just talking for no reason. We FINALLY arrive at the Hyatt to pick up 10YO. Stop in to have some lunch, turn back around to head back out. This time armed with the information that it's actually Transformers 3 that is filming so now were on Shia LeBouf sightings. I personally would like to run into him to ask for all my money and time back that he's wasted on the movies that I've had to sit through with him in it. The girls want to see him b/c 1. He's dreamy and 2. They remember him from Even Stevens. Which happens to be the only show that I would possibly watch again with him it. He's terrible. He and Mandy Moore should make a movie and call it The Worst Movie of all time, Movie. Yeah, I don't like her either. Back on the train, the decision is made that today would be the Field Museum day. Let me also take some time right now and explain that when you grow up in the DC area, one of the biggest things that you take for granted is the free access to all museums and zoos and attractions in the area. And they aren't too shabby either. So, as you travel around the country and take in the local sights you begin to realize how lucky you were growing up where you did. Okay, so here we are in what I would call the natural history museum. We have been given a pass to go see some dinosaur movie at 2:45. Currently it's 1 so I'm thinking we have plenty of time to get where we need to go. So, we do what any normal person would do, we head into the first exhibit we find. HO-LY CRAP. I swear to you that we were back in that area until 2:30 b/c we could literally not find our way out. It got to the point that we had to start walking faster just to make sure that we could actually get out. It was ridiculous! There was so much stuff and so much read. And if the crap was actually working, so much to press and play, but it wasn't, so they were just buttons. Thanks, field museum. As luck would have it, we made it to the 3D movie just in time. Where I was informed that these two young ladies don't actually like 3D movies and are scared. Well, why did we come? B/c we thought it would be fun. Side note again. I don't actually believe in dinosaurs. I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but bare with me. Dinosaurs didn't ever appear in the bible. And I think it's a huge conspiracy that they exist. I don't personally know any paleontologists, but if I did, I'm not sure we would be friends, b/c I'm waiting for the day that the news comes out that it's been a big hoax and I was right. So, for me to sit in a movie about T-Rex and how she was discovered was a huge stretch for me. Luckily it was a dumb movie and the hand holding was not necessary. So we leave, head over to the gems exhibit, which was the only one I wanted to see, and then go home. Mark it, 3 hours total we were there before we were finished. It was 13YO pick for dinner, so with a quick trip home at about 1 hour total, we were back out on the street walking to the sushi restaurant that she picked. If nothing else, I can say these kids eat well. After dinner, we head back to the pool for a nice relaxing hour and head back in bed.
Okay, have to break for a job interview at 12:30...more later. We're just getting to the good stuff. Wish me luck!
Sunday: Arrive after a long weekend of family gatherings and parties. I had the ability to sit down for approximately 12 seconds before the question of what we were going to do the rest of the night was asked. Luckily mom was around to help field these questions. The answer, walk over to Navy Pier, look around and eat dinner. As I look out the window of our hotel on S. Michigan Ave, I kindly suggest to momma bear that we take a cab. Navy Pier might look close, but to four little legs this is not going to be fun. So, with cameras, kids and a map in toe we head out. Got to walk through Grant Park, see Buckingham Fountain, took a few pictures, then found a cab. Got to Navy Pier, heard at almost every opportunity, mom, I want to ride that! Mom, I need that! Stop pulling the bag! Stop walking so close to me. AHHHHHH! This was only day one. I needed a beer, stat! Thankfully mom was on the same page. So, after reaching the end of the Pier, finding the beer garden, allowing the kids to ride ONE ride, we got to sit down at the infamous Billy Goats Tavern. You know the one, Cheezbooger, Cheezbooger, Cheezbooger. Pepsi, no Coke. Chips, no fries? Billy Murray SNL skit? Any who, this is the moment where my body finally got to relax with a cold beer in my hands. It was amazing! And as I looked down at my watch, I realized it was only 8:30! Holy crap. How long do children stay awake? Anyway, thankfully mom was on the same page once again. Now the plan was as soon as we were done dinner, we would go back to the hotel and head to the pool. Well, they would go to the pool. Someone was feeling terrible about themselves so someone was not getting in a suit, which was just fine by me b/c I wasn't interested in getting in the pool anyway. I would get to sit there and read......right. If you don't have children and you think that anything is easy when they are around, think again. You get questions and watch me do this and tell me who does this better. I did actually ask the 10 year old where her off switch was. Unfortunately it's up her nose to the left, so I left it alone. As one would think leaving the pool and heading up to bed would be the easiest thing to do, even that lead to complications. Where was everyone sleeping, who got to sleep with mommy and who got to sleep with Katherine. At that point all I wanted was a shower and to lay down. Luckily while I was bathing the decision was made for me. So all was well as we headed off to dream land.
Monday: When traveling with me, if there is one thing people can count on, it would be that I ALWAYS have at least one workout outfit with me. You never know when you really need a run. It's the ultimate relaxer for me. Well, for some reason, this trip, I didn't bring one. Not a sports bra, not a gym short, nothing. And what would you know, the 13 year old wants to train for her 5k that she has coming up next weekend. Of course. So, I find the nearest Target, which luckily was within walking distance, and we head out. One sports bra, one pair of shorts, three pairs of underwear, one pair of really cute shoes that I got a great deal on and $57 dollars later, we leave. I actually had the 13YO recheck the receipt to make sure I paid for everything correctly. Who would think that a sports bra, in which I have about 20 of at home, would be the most expensive thing I would purchase? Oh and we also bought a case of 24 bottles of water for $3. I couldn't resist, since we had a suite. Note to self though, in the event that you are going to buy a case of water, maybe you should be within one or two walking blocks of you current place of residence. Carrying that much water for about 10 blocks has a tendency to strain your arms. An idea that looked great on paper. 30 minutes later, we got back to the room, changed our clothes and we were out again. Only to be informed that 13 year old only wanted to run a mile. After explaining to her that our little walk to and from Target to purchase $57 worth of anything should afford me the opportunity to run until I couldn't run anymore. She agreed, we were on our way. I let her lead, b/c neither one of us had any idea where we were going, but our Cardio Tracker was keeping track and the park was a big square so nothing could really go wrong. However, little legs, although little, can run much faster than older, longer legs. Who knew? Another 30 minutes later, we were both finished running and knew we had to go get the little one. So a quick shower and we were back on our way to the train station to pick up 10 year old, who happened to go into work with her mom. A stop in to Potbelly to grab some lunch, a first "El" experience for the 13 year old, a trek in the wrong direction, for a little bit and we were off. We turn the corner onto Michigan Ave, the other end, and we are greeted by a movie set. 13YO is so enamored with whoever it might be that the stories just keep flowing...what if it's blah blah blah. What if I get discovered? And all I'm thinking is, what if this is an episode of the Dog Whisperer and you're just talking for no reason. We FINALLY arrive at the Hyatt to pick up 10YO. Stop in to have some lunch, turn back around to head back out. This time armed with the information that it's actually Transformers 3 that is filming so now were on Shia LeBouf sightings. I personally would like to run into him to ask for all my money and time back that he's wasted on the movies that I've had to sit through with him in it. The girls want to see him b/c 1. He's dreamy and 2. They remember him from Even Stevens. Which happens to be the only show that I would possibly watch again with him it. He's terrible. He and Mandy Moore should make a movie and call it The Worst Movie of all time, Movie. Yeah, I don't like her either. Back on the train, the decision is made that today would be the Field Museum day. Let me also take some time right now and explain that when you grow up in the DC area, one of the biggest things that you take for granted is the free access to all museums and zoos and attractions in the area. And they aren't too shabby either. So, as you travel around the country and take in the local sights you begin to realize how lucky you were growing up where you did. Okay, so here we are in what I would call the natural history museum. We have been given a pass to go see some dinosaur movie at 2:45. Currently it's 1 so I'm thinking we have plenty of time to get where we need to go. So, we do what any normal person would do, we head into the first exhibit we find. HO-LY CRAP. I swear to you that we were back in that area until 2:30 b/c we could literally not find our way out. It got to the point that we had to start walking faster just to make sure that we could actually get out. It was ridiculous! There was so much stuff and so much read. And if the crap was actually working, so much to press and play, but it wasn't, so they were just buttons. Thanks, field museum. As luck would have it, we made it to the 3D movie just in time. Where I was informed that these two young ladies don't actually like 3D movies and are scared. Well, why did we come? B/c we thought it would be fun. Side note again. I don't actually believe in dinosaurs. I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but bare with me. Dinosaurs didn't ever appear in the bible. And I think it's a huge conspiracy that they exist. I don't personally know any paleontologists, but if I did, I'm not sure we would be friends, b/c I'm waiting for the day that the news comes out that it's been a big hoax and I was right. So, for me to sit in a movie about T-Rex and how she was discovered was a huge stretch for me. Luckily it was a dumb movie and the hand holding was not necessary. So we leave, head over to the gems exhibit, which was the only one I wanted to see, and then go home. Mark it, 3 hours total we were there before we were finished. It was 13YO pick for dinner, so with a quick trip home at about 1 hour total, we were back out on the street walking to the sushi restaurant that she picked. If nothing else, I can say these kids eat well. After dinner, we head back to the pool for a nice relaxing hour and head back in bed.
Okay, have to break for a job interview at 12:30...more later. We're just getting to the good stuff. Wish me luck!
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