F YOU VERIZON

I fought for you! I waited it out for you! I even turned my nose up at the iPhone for you and you have let me down! I've called and I've gone in your stores. I've researched every possible way to stay with you and you have ultimately let me down. I've spoken with every slap dick sales person you've thrown at me and they've all let me down in the end. Last night I finally reached my last straw. After weeks and weeks of constant debate and struggle on which phone I wanted, I finally settled on the Droid. Not the Droid X, not the Incredible, not the Aly, the Droid. So, I set my checking account in motion and headed into the store that had originally told me that this would be no problem. A brand new sales trainee greeted me at the front door.
ME: I'd like to buy a Droid
NEWBIE: We ain't got none
ME: Excuse me?
CREEPER: What he meant to say was, we don't have any
ME: No, I just want the Droid, not the X. The Droid.
CREEPER: Are you sure that's what you want? Let's go over and look at these phones.
We turn the corner where the phone display is showing us all the different options of phones to choose from. He hands me the Droid, the phone I want and came into to buy, and an Aly, the phone he is telling me is the same exact phone only different.
CREEPER: You don't want the Droid. It was the first Android device that came out. This Aly does the same exact thing. Here feel it.
I put both phones in my hand. No difference.
ME: Can we get both of these out of the box so I can see them, not in the display case? I mean, if you have some, since Slappy over here doesn't seem to think you have some.
CREEPER: Absolutely.
Both boxes are taken out and assembled. As they are both presented to me, the following actually happens
CREEPER: You see, both of these phones have the same aps the same speed, everything. If I'm lying I'm crying and I haven't shed a tear yet. (Really guy) The only difference are that this phone (the phone he's trying to sell me) has only 4 MB of memory and this phone (the phone I want) has 16 GM of memory.
ME: So they are actually completely different?
CREEPER: Well, that and this phone (POS) only has a 3.5 megapixle camera, while this phone (the one I want) has a 5.
ME: So they are actually completely different phones. What exactly are you taking me for?
CREEPER: What does the ink on your wrist mean?
ME: No Bullshit so spit it out. I want this phone and I'm ready to pay for it.
CREEPER: Okay, let's do it.
So, he starts to manipulate the system. I have no idea what he's doing but he keeps asking questions and answering his cell phone and taking his sweet ass time.
CREEPER: We should totally go out and have some drinks. You know, harmless.
ME: Are you almost done?
CREEPER: Yeah, yeah this should only take a few more minutes. But, yeah, let's go do drinks.
ME: Will your wife come?
Tip tap typing away, thought that might stop you. Didn't think I saw that ring huh a hole?
1HOUR LATER
CREEPER: That's weird, it's not letting me get you this phone.
ME: Okay, guess I'll have to just go then.
CREEPER: So, can we go out for drinks? Can I give you my number.
I grab his cards and walk out the door.
I don't even get into my front door before I have 3 texts on my phone from this guy! Keep in mind that I NEVER gave him my phone number for any other reason than to put it into the computer, NOT to put it into his phone. After all that BS in the store I never thought in one million years this guy would do something so illegal. And on top of that, he didn't even get me the phone.
So, heed these words Verizon! Upon cancelling my contract with you, you will NOT charge me a cancellation fee. You will allow me to sail off into the sunset with a brand new iPhone and you will NOT EVER contact me about anything that might not be paid, or late, or really anything EVER! And you might want to wrangle in your reps at the Country Club store because you don't want the reputation for having bad customer service as the reason that someone leaves you after 10 years to head in a completely different direction.