What a weekend!

Please note that the title of this blog needs to be said in an exasperated tone. What a weekend indeed. It started off innocent enough. I decided to leave Scout at the parents while I headed off to watch the greatest one year old on the planet. Got there in time for the Grey's premier so all was well with the world. Sleep went well, even the diaper change seemed to go well, but when mom left, the world was not the same. Meals took extra longer. More food was ending up on the floor than in the mouth and then there was nap time. OH nap time. By the looks of it anyone would think that he was sleepy. Yawning on my lap. Rubbing his eyes on the floor. All signs that someone was tired. Only, the second he hit the crib he was all smiles and singing. It took him one hour to go down the first time and he then only slept for an hour. Meanwhile, someone else (pointing at myself) was really sleepy. Until this morning, I hadn't gotten up at 7:30 in a while. Napping wasn't really an option for me though. With a napping loose cannon, I was afraid that I would go into a deep coma and not really come out of it. The rest of the day went pretty similar to how the morning went until mom got home. Heather and I had decided to have a girls night out since she had acquired some "theater" tickets from her boss. The show we were going to see was the Fantastics. Apparently the longest running show on Broadway. So, after a quick stop at Outback :o) diet friendly, of course, we heading off to the auditorium. I guess the best way to describe this place would be an old high school/church, turned into an arts center. The actual auditorium was not that large, but as we looked around, we realized that we were the youngest two people in there by at least 20 years. Okay, minus the teenagers that had to come b/c their parents made them. Oh, and the troop of nerds directly behind us that were from some local weirdo college. So now that the scene is set, let's lower the lights and let the show begin....I wouldn't call myself a regular to the theater, but I do enjoy it an awful lot. As a matter of fact I have songs from Phantom, Les Mis, and Wicked on my ipod. But this, this was an embarrassment to the art of theater. I don't really care that there wasn't a scene on stage and instead merely a ladder that we were supposed to believe was a wall. That happened to be the only thing that didn't bother me. The stagehand, was a girl, dressed all in black with white keds on. But, she was part of the show, or was she? At one point she started dancing around the stage with the rest of them, but she was the only one not singing. And not only that, but a little piece of advice to her. If you're going to twirl around the stage, TWIRL AROUND THE STAGE, make sure it's the day that you don't wear your white granny panties that we can see through your black leggings. Or better yet, slap one of the other women on the stage for not telling you during dress rehearsal what you can see. Every girl reading this knows you asked. Then there was the narrator. Have you ever felt like you were being talked down to from the stage? Even the President tries to make everyone feel included when he speaks, but this guy was so condescending, I felt like I was in grade school again. Even when he sang, I felt beneath him. I meant technically I was, but isn't the point of theater to feel like you're being swept away to a magical land where people sing everything? Now let's move on to mom number 1. Besides getting the words wrong of a song in which she was singing a duet with mom number 2, her mic was in her hair! In an attempt to be hidden on her clothes from her "outstanding" dance numbers, the hair and makeup team decided a good place to lock it down would be with bobby pins on her hair part. Which probably would have worked, had she not been blonde. Come on people, this isn't high school and it's certainly not rocket science. How can one concentrate on the words that are coming out of her mouth when all you're wondering is how long that mic is going to stay there. Kudos to mom number two, I don't really have anything bad to say. Now we're up to the lead players. Oh, who do I start with. I want to end this little story with a bang, but the two of them were equally as terrible. I guess we'll start with the male lead. I am aware that a majority of men in both the theater and dance professions are predominately gay, but as a good actor, no one is really supposed to know that you are. When you come out of the gate, you're not supposed to be flaming. But this poor guy couldn't convince me that he was even remotely interested in his female lead. I just wanted to yell at him to pretend she was his boyfriend and maybe we might start to buy it. But as each scene unraveled and the build up to the kiss was coming I couldn't help but feel more and more uncomfortable. It was like that scary movie where you know exactly where and when the bad thing is coming but your hands are over your face with your fingers open just enough to see. The girl came in for the kiss and the boy actually turned his head. I thought he might pull it out in the clutch but he just couldn't do it. And then there was Prima Donna. I cannot say that she wasn't a good singer, b/c she was amazing. Just not for this show. She's more of a Christine in Phantom than Luisa in Fantastics. She's supposed to be playing a 16 year old girl and if she's not older than me, I'm Santa. And this isn't like she could play Kelly Taylor on 90210 and be 35, no, she's legitimately 35 playing a 16 year old. WAY over acted. And Heather and I couldn't quiet get passed the baby bump she was trying to cover with some sort of shoulder sweater wrappy thing. There was one point where I actually cringed b/c she had taken Queer Eye's arms and wrapped it around her for some loving scene, and had his arms around her baby bump. That is NOT okay. The whole thing was not okay. And this was just the first act! Intermission hit and we were out the door. The only other time I've left anything half way through, besides a football game, I was with Heather as well and we left my date in the movie theater. A story for another time. We were 15 and the movie was really bad, so don't judge until you hear the whole thing. The only saving grace was that TCU won their football game that night. Oh, and we found a self serve yogurt shop!


On Saturday, we found that the dark cloud of disappointment had not really left the top of our heads. We had to get up early to meet one of her tour groups in downtown Annapolis, go get the little ones hair cut, and try to find some fun Vegas outfits for the weekend at Kohls. The first two went off without a hitch. The last one was a little more expensive than we had initially budgeted. So, with nothing in tow, we headed to her parents because someone was getting a little cranky in the backseat. Don't worry, I was sitting up front :o) 2 hours later, we were off again. Heading in the direction, of what we hoped would be a fun little fall festival. There was a moon bounce and pony rides and music. All the makings of a successful child's birthday party. Not a festival. I had to pee so bad though so we had to zip through most of it to get straight to the good stuff in the Welcome Center, which I'm going to go ahead and assume was built when the town of Bowie was founded b/c there was no air conditioning in that beast. Heather and Chris had to pretend to be interested in what was written on the walls and in the glass casings while I waited in line for the potty. Apparently the historians frown upon stragglers walking in to use their facilities. So, I had to get an education lesson while I waited. I couldn't honestly tell if this guy was hitting on me, or being for real. He had about half of his facts correct because as a "historian" he hadn't really lived here long. WTF dude! I just have to pee. I'm not even from Maryland, but I can tell you which three cities have a larger population than Bowie. Don't spout off trivia if you don't know the answer. Duh! And please, please, please, don't try and tell me a factoid joke when I'm right out of the bathroom either. Let me try it on you guys and see what you think. If you had a train with two cabooses, what would you call it? My reaction was, why would you have a train with two cabooses? Isn't the end of the train a caboose? How could you have two ends? When the correct answer is cabice. No, that's really what he said. Pause for effect. As if that wasn't enough, we headed next door to the train "museum" where out front was a nerd herd playing with a lego train set. Thinking it couldn't get worse, it did. Inside was Conductor Bob, who I honestly couldn't tell if he was mentally slow, or just worked at a train museum in Bowie, Maryland. As Heather was trying to leave, the guy holds up his digital camera and asks if we want to see an Acela go past. For those of you that don't know, the Acela is a little bit faster than the regular Amtrak. It's not pink, nor does it shoot lightening out of the sides, it's just a regular train, only a little faster. And oh, by the way, on our way to the Welcome Center, it passed underneath us. So we humored the guy as Chris tried to pass by us. Dick move buddy, dick move :o) It was right then and there that we decided it was time to go home. This afternoon a complete and total bust and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I thought it was high time that I headed back to my house as well. I needed to go to bed early anyway b/c I had volunteered to bring my parents to the airport at 4:30 in the morning. That being bad enough as it was, but my puppy decided that Saturday night was the night she was going to get the pukies every 20 minutes until 12:30, which only left me about 4 hours of sleep until I had to wake up and drive. This poor thing. She kept scratching at the door and barking and whining and I thought she wanted to play, until she started to dry heave on my floor, which then I immediately shooed her outside. This went on for two hours. There is no way she ate that much in the past 4 days, let alone keep it in her stomach long enough to vomit. But there it was, all over the backyard. Needless to say, I was exhausted all day yesterday and somehow managed to wake up this morning at 7:30 to take care of the menagerie. I'm sure I'll fall back asleep very soon and head to the gym this afternoon.


So there it is, my weekend in a very big nutshell. The good news is is that I found my Rachel Ray cookbook that I thought was gone forever. The bad news is is that I still have this hacking cough and in 4 days I have to start looking for a job. But, in 4 days we're also going to Vegas, so maybe this might turn out for the best anyway.


Until tomorrow my pets!