My Nemesis

Ever since I was asked to be in my cousins wedding, my arch nemesis has become David's Bridal. I firmly believe that every time I get around a DB location, it's like a cloud of gloom becomes darker. You know in the movies when it gets really dark and either a twister or an alien space ship is about to appear out of the sky? That's what it's like for me to go to David's Bridal. The first time I was told that I had to spend 10 extra dollars to lengthen my dress because I was too tall. To which my response was, don't you know that all runway models have to be 5'10? Why would you charge me more for a dress you couldn't technically take down the runway without charging more? To then I further asked, do you charge overweight people? The answer being yes. But, charging me more because I'm tall just doesn't seem fair. It's not my fault I was born to runway. But it is their fault that they're fat. So, why are you punishing me? In all honesty, it is only $10, but still it's the principal of the whole situation. I couldn't imagine if I was both tall and wide. I would be screwed. No one would want me in their wedding anyway, so it might not be the worst idea to work on.

So then this leads us up to Tuesday. Yes, the same Tuesday in which I informed you all about the crazy flying buzzards that were invading my house. Okay, my parents house, but whatever! So, when you're in a wedding, I suppose it is customary for some brides to want their bridesmaids shoes that same exact color of the dress. Since I had already paid the additional money for the lengthening, I had thought the bride and I agreed that I wouldn't have to buy the shoes since no one was going to be able to see my feet anyway. Apparently I just made up that conversation, but fortunately the shoes were now on sale. When I say fortunately, I mean that in price tag alone. The good news is is that I could order shoes in my size. The bad news is is that I called two stores, was on hold for about 20 minutes at a store that supposedly had the pair in stock, only to find out that I had to order it online anyway. So what happens now is that you have to order the shoes, pay to have them shipped to your house only to have to drive to another David's Bridal, pay an additional $3 and have them dyed. But timing is everything because if they are overbooked you might not get your shoes in time. AGH! The wedding business is such a racket. So, I bought the shoes and two days later they were on my doorstep. Since the closest DB is about 30 minutes away, I had to plan accordingly. Well, after my workout on Tuesday, I come home, only to realize that I had forgotten this was the day I was going to head to DB. So, with shoes in tow I head over. Made it there in 30 minutes, no problem. Pulled into a space, RIGHT IN FRONT. I was a little crooked, so I had to back out a little to straighten 'er up. I look to the left, no one coming. I look to the right, no one coming. I start to back out and WHAMO! I run straight into a lady driving down the aisle behind me. Adios Mio. I couldn't believe it. I park my car, hang my head low and get out the car. Homegirl starts yelling at me in Spanglish. "Why you hit me?" "Did you see me driving down?" "Call 911, call 911". Whoa, whoa, whoa lady, back up here a little bit. I did not mean to hit you. This is why we call them accidents. And unless you're hurt, let's not call 911. But these words were not easily translated to Spanish. Then I ask if she has insurance. Apparently when you make it America, the one word they do teach you is insurance because she was like "of course I have insurance! Why you hit me?" Here we go again. Let's just exchange information and my insurance company will take care of it. Side note here. I NEVER keep my insurance information in my car and just Monday, I thought it would be a good idea to put it in my glove compartment. Who knew I would actually need it. "No, we call 911" Are you hurt? "no" then let's just call the police. "no, call 911. See, here on my phone? 911" Actually it said #911 so that wasn't going to work. While she went on her rant, I locally called the police, explained my situation and the lady gave me another number. As my back was turned, a young man had crept up behind and gotten on her phone with 911. Holy crap, seriously?!?!?! Who are you and why are YOU on the phone with the cops? He's trying to explain the situation from the hysteric ladies words. I have no idea what's going on, since my Spanish stop working as soon as I realized she was on the phone with 911. All I kept asking him was, are you on the phone with 911? To which he responded with a head nod yes. Is anyone dying, I further asked. To which he responded, no. THEN HANG UP. Tell them sorry and hang up. I was so embarrassed at the language barrier. Apparently the cops told him the same thing I had been saying the whole time. Just exchange information and let the insurance company take care of it. Wow, I should be a cop. So, I give the lady my info, I write down hers and I still hadn't gone into the store yet. Wow, how fun. I now get to go into David's Bridal. As the lady is pulling away, the guy who had been on the phone for her turns to ask me if I played tennis. Oh, because I was still in my workout clothes. No, I just got done working out. Oh, where do you work out. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY HITTING ON ME?!?!? You call the cops on me and then want to ask me out. Excuse me, I need to finish what I started here and go to the stupid wedding store. Which happened to be extremely uneventful. I go home, call my insurance company and hope that my rates don't sky rocket. I also hope to God I never have to go back into that store after I pick my shoes back up.


On a positive note, we have reach the half way point of our 15 lbs weight loss challenge. 7 pounds down, 7 to go! OMG if I loose so much weight that I go down a dress size and have to get fitted at the last minute, I'll die! Maybe this lifestyle change isn't the greatest idea of all time.