ex haunting

Let's take a flashback to Thursday morning, shall we? There I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business. Blog is written, emails from the previous night are returned, and all the little cubs have settled into work for the day. Understand that the last part is actually a big challenge. As a matter of fact there is a departmental challenge to see whose tardy workers get into work first. It's not company known, but for the players involved, it's actually kind of fun. For some reason this has been a banner week and everyone has come into the office by 8:40. No, as a matter of fact we don't work at a daycare and these aren't 5 year olds, but grown ass people that just can't seem to get up and get moving, but I digress. So I'm sitting reading an article or watching the YouTube clip someone sent me about a 2 year old smoking, when a little email balloon pops up in the corner of my computer entitled Hey. Normally these emails are titled Hey and followed with, Want to make your Penis 10x larger? I don't know how they got my email address, but no thank you. Can I forward it though? Okay, okay, sorry dad. Anyway, I notice that this email is from a friend of mine that I haven't spoken to in years. And that's not figurative, that's literal. I certainly haven't spoken to him since I moved to Winston and that was 4 years ago. He sends this link and asks me if I notice anything familiar. I'm sceptical and curious. But the last time I clicked on a link that a friend sent me, it was on Facebook and it was then sent to all my "friends" while melting the inside of my computer down. Thinking that he actually typed words and it was a local link to a newspaper in DC, I didn't think much harm to come of it. So I click. The title of the website, 2010 Clash of the Cocktails. OH NO. An immediate, this is not funny, popped in my head, and in the pit of my stomach. For those of you who don't know, for about 2 many years of my life I dated this guy who was a bartender in DC. Well actually if you asked him he was a lot of things. I think one time he was a professional snowboarder, sommelier, went to Maryland to play football, professional pool player. Yeah, this guy was a jack(ass) of all trades and master of none. Don't ask what drew me to him we were like Paula Abdul and MC Scat Cat. That and I was in a really dark place in my life. I mean really dark. Apparently, we'll call him *jack*, is still in DC and still a bartender, shocker. I guess there is some local cocktail competition between 17 of some of the worst looking bartenders I have ever seen. I distinctly remember *jack* being a huge Jack fan, so the fact that his entry in the competition is with Kettle was shocking. Of course I sent the link to everyone that knew us together and kept asking them, WTF kind of friends are you guys to let me date this guy?! Just look at him! I was appalled at myself. I was reminded of all of the terrible stories that at the time I thought weren't. I'm warning you, these aren't a great reflection on myself. For the friends that stuck by me through this whole thing, I love you more than ever! Here are just a few. If I told them all, I would probably run out of blog space and have to dedicate a seperate one just to my ex boyfriends. Buckle up, here you go. Don't day I didn't warn you. I won a free, all expense, trip to Jamaica for a week, and took him. He bought pot from a guy that floated up on a raft outside our compound. Then, he brought the shit back and we had to go through customs. I didn't know this until after we were home, but if I had ended up in jail for something that my parents knew I didn't do, my father would have killed him. And then there was the fact that he couldn't qualify for a cell phone, so I put him on my plan. I mean really, who doesn't qualify for a cell phone? You have to be a complete degenerate to not be able to get one of those. And then when we broke up, he was supposed to pay his part of the bill, but instead allowed it to go to $300 which my dad had to pay. Then there was the pool table that he just "had to have". Some granite top professional pool table that he bought for like $1,500. Keep in mind that although *jack* lived in my apartment, *jack* didn't pay rent. He was basically a squatter. So when he came home with this "great idea" to have a pool table, that didn't go over so well with me. Not only that, but the f-ing thing didn't even fit. You couldn't play pool on it. It became my clothes folding area. And the the creme de la creme. It was my birthday night and all my friends were gathered downtown getting housed, as we always do. Heather comes up to me to mention that *jack* asked her to gather everyone and stand outside holding roses. Mike comes up to me later to mention the same thing. Both did not agree to do it. So *jack* takes me outside to give me my present, or that's what he says. We head next door to go up some secret passage way to the roof. As we walk in, one of his buddies was introducing us to someone else and says this is *jack* and his fiancee Kat. I immediately say, "no it's not" and I turn right back around to leave. *jack* chases after me and just tells me to come with him. My head is going all kinds of crazy. I think this is my true turning point in life. We get to the roof and we're sitting at the bar b/c clearly he's nervous and he's addict and I say "if you're going to propose, don't". And I think right then and there I killed whatever spirit he had inside of him. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this story. I wouldn't change the outcome for anything in the world, but hurting someone as badly as I did was the hardest thing I've done in my life. All those bad stories aside, he was a really nice guy and was very good to me. He wasn't good for me, but he was a sweetheart just the same. So, my original thought of going to mess with the guy or sitting down and drinking $300 worth of alcohol and walking out has kind of subsided. It sounded like a good idea yesterday, but I know what it's like to get hurt by someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. And if that person chose to mess with me, just to be spiteful, I would probably want them murdered. Instead I'll be the bigger person and just choose to punch my friend Paul in the face for sending me that article that dug up some pretty powerful memories. I'm coming after you Paulie, better be careful!

IT'S REX MANNING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so maybe it's not Rex Manning Day, but it's definitely SATC 2 day! The day us ladies have been waiting for since the release of the first movie. I think it's hard to find a television series that you can really love and almost change your life.. Before Sex and the City it was 90210 and Party of Five. And then, if I'm not mistaken it was Dawson's Creek and Party of Five. Wednesday night was like my favorite night of television. I would make a point to not work on Wednesday night and hang out with my friends in college b/c those two shows were on. I believe you can find your true friends through TV. I'm not talking about the characters, but people that enjoy the shows you watch usually have more in common with you than the people that don't. In a way, you might look at those other people like they have the worst taste. For example, I HATE The Jersey Shore. I hate everything about that train wreck of a show. I hate the characters, I hate the ignorance and most of all, I hate how 7 morons can contribute absolutely nothing to society and make as much money as they do. If someone tells me that they love that show, I instantly know that I have absolutely nothing in common with that person and intellectually they might have actually gone down in my book. EVEN if they say I watch it b/c it's so dumb and I want to see what happens. When in reality, they watch it b/c they secretly like it. There is nothing I would waste however long that show is just to see what would happen. I do buy into hype, however. I did watch Jon and Kate until the whole controversy broke and then I couldn't contribute to them making money off of me watching. I also fell into the Dancing with the Stars trap this season with some pretty good names in the mix. But I watched Buzz Aldren try to cut a rug and I was instantly out. They just don't make them like they used too. I mean, Sex and the City was a trend. It was a religion. It's a way of life. Sunday nights for 25 minutes I was glued to my TV. There were some days I felt like Carrie and some days I felt like Miranda and some days I felt like Samantha. Never felt like Charlotte, sorry guys. But when the show ended, I didn't know what I was going to watch. I never really got into the Friends craze. Sure, I thought it was a good show, and almost every day it's on in the workout room, but I didn't feel bad if I missed an episode. It wasn't an issue with SATC. I didn't. Nothing held me back from that. I, along with millions of other women, felt lost. I needed a replacement show. I needed something to fill the void. I don't know how much of an overlap there was, but I didn't really get into another show until 24 started. So instead of Sunday nights we started a new Monday night tradition. Only this one the audience flipped and it was party of two. Mike and I would trade off getting Boston Market, but one thing was constant, at 9 pm on the dot we would be glued to the TV set for the next hour. Jack Baur was the man! And what a great concept for a show. To have it air in real time. Genius! Well then this past Monday night was another end of an era. I had been such a dedicated 24 fan. I even raved about it so much I convinced others to start Netflixing it. It's a great show. If you have never watched an episode, you should. But don't give up. It's 24 episodes, but totally worth it. It doesn't usually disappoint...well, it doesn't disappoint until the end. I was already in a funk last night b/c yet another one of my things to look forward to during the week was ending. So upon preparing myself, I pushed play on the DVR. There were some pretty shocking moments, I must admit, but all in all to end a show as intense as 24 was, as soft as they did was pretty weak in my book. If you're going to end it, end it. Kill the man once and for all. Don't let him walk into the sunset minus his horse, playing sappy music. I mean really. We're not ending a Rom-Com people. This guy shot and killed 18 people in this season alone. And you're going to write him out as a wuss?!?!?! I really didn't want to write wuss, but had to. This is a family show people! Anyway now I am in search of a new show to religiously watch. Here are the perimeters that it must revolve around. Can NOT be a reality show. Can NOT involve people that think they are famous, but are only famous b/c Ryan Seacrest saw the potential in them to be a total devastation to the human race. (I love me some RS and respect the hell out of him, but that man cannot spot talent to save his life.) Can be funny, but would prefer an hour long show. Can't be on an HBO, Showtime, Cinemax channel unless I can start from the beginning and Netflix seasons. I do like those cable shows, but since I don't have the channels, it's hard for me to commit. Would love some ideas. I have a lot on my DVR, but nothing, besides Oprah, would I cry over if all of a sudden my DVR were to wipe itself out and I was left with live TV. This is a banner year for the old KG. Discovering new things, trying out new adventures, working out for 60 days straight and not losing weight, and now this. Who says change is bad?!?!?!

Slacker

I know it's late in the day and I haven't done any blogging yet. However, I haven't been a total slacker, well with personal stuff at least. I've been really busy. I mean it's hard work shuffling papers from one pile to another and making people believe that you're really busy. It's really the fake telephone calls that are the toughest. You have to sit there and basically have a conversation with yourself. But hey, who hasn't done that? I'm kidding of course. This work stuff is getting in the way of the task at hand. Between work sessions I've been looking for khaki pants and white button down shirts all morning. That and trying to find a rental car that isn't going to cost me one of these and one of these, an arm and a leg. (I don't know if the commercial that I'm referencing is nationwide, b/c if not, no one got that joke outside of the 336 area code) The khaki pant mission seems easy enough, but is totally deceitful. I mean what kind of pants do you get? Do you get chinos that could wrinkle? Do you spend more than $20 on a pair of pants that you're going to have possibly three pairs of and wear once? Do you go to JCrew, Banana, Loft, Target? These are all serious questions. It's not like I'm going to work at Bubba's Bait and Tackle Shop and Mini Golf Course. This is Pebble Beach! I mean Justin Timberlake plays here! Tony Romo is going to be there! My future husband/pay check could be there! I can't just look like anyone. I have to stand out in these khaki pants. We head off to Walmart, at lunch, to get a better idea of what I'm looking at. Maybe a little cost comparison since the JCrew/Banana/LOFT shopping didn't go over well. I'm looking all over the women's department and not a khaki pant to be found. It was like Spring came and threw up all over the place. News flash Walmart, most of your shoppers SHOULD be wearing long pants. Might want to give them a little variety, or hints. Whatever you want to call them. At the same time, I'm kind of glad Walmart didn't have any though b/c I can't imagine standing around with a bunch of bizilionares with my $4 pants that were on the clearance rack. The whole time I would be thinking, do you know how little these pants cost? No, I mean really, do you know how much these pants cost?! So after finding a carpet runner, (DAMN YOU SCOUT!) we head over to Target. Yes, I know some of you might think that there is no difference in the two, but trust me, I would much rather walk around in Target clothes than Walmart. It's just something in the air in Target that I think makes it better. It's brighter and it just smells better. But I digress. Back to the task at hand. Upon raking through the turnstiles of clothes all through this department store it was as if a beacon of light came straight through the ceiling and landed on an entire rack of pants. It was exactly what I needed. The only down side was they only had one pair. I hop on over to the dressing room. Slip those bad boys on and walla! We're in business. Okay, so one pair of pants down, I have one pair at my house already, so all we need is one more pair and I think I'll be set for the week. On to shirts...Searching, searching, searching. Nothing. Being warmer doesn't help the long sleeve shirt process. I've checked the cheapest stores in town with no success. I think it's going to be a stop at the Gap outlet on our trip home next week. Gotta keep hope alive that something will be there! If not, I'll be taking donations in Virginia for a two day shirt drive.

I know this whole blog was supposed to be dedicated to P90x and I also know that all week long I haven't done one single entry on it. It's not that I'm not working out, b/c I am. It is my recovery week though and I've taken it upon myself to mix it up a bit. I haven't woken up at 6 all week and have been very disciplined at working out after work. Today's activity, another 45 minutes on the elliptical. I'm just feeling really down about this whole thing. I just don't feel like I'm making any progress, at least anything noticeable. Maybe I need to rethink going back to the gym and get a trainer. I've mentioned this before, but it might be time. I miss workout buddies, I miss having someone to push me and make me go to the gym with them. Maybe after I figure out what the hell is going on after June 22nd, I can make a decision one way or the other. In the meantime, I'll keep eating out at Mario's and upping my time on the cardio machines in order to feel better about what I'm doing. Or I could take the cowards way out and get some lunchtime lipo. I will say, I do feel a little better after seeing some of those after pictures. It appears that some people want their after body to look like my before. I guess beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder.

Beyond words

I have so many things to talk about, I hardly know where to start. I was going to start with last night, but I'm so mad at my dog right now, I might have to start there. How mad you ask? Oh, about $140 mad. Normally she saves her shenanigans for when I'm away and have to come home to them. But this morning must have been something special. The original alarm goes off at 6:15. Again, we start the morning with good intentions, only I convinced myself that there is plenty of time to go running after work/before softball, so I laid back down. Only SOMEONE wasn't ready to go back to sleep. SOMEONE thought it was get up and play time so the barking began. I hopped out of bed and took her out, thinking if I could get everything done by 6:30 then I'd have 45 minutes more of sleep before I absolutely had to get out of bed. Well, this plan actually worked. We got everything we needed to done and I was back in bed by 6:30. Strangely I didn't hear a peep, so I thought to myself that she was sleepy too and went back to bed on the couch or floor. Never in a million years would I think that I would re-wake up to what I did. Imagine if you will you step out of your warm bed and walk out of your bedroom to find this:
Obviously this is not Scout, and this is not what my house looked like entirely, but right now it's the only thing I'm picturing, but in red. Imagine those couch pieces are pieces of carpet. And then imagine that the carpet was ripped in half and laying open. And then imagine that while running around your house, chasing your dog and firmly telling her what a bad girl she is, she's picking up these carpet pieces and thinking that you're playing a game. IMAGINE how mad I was this morning. Clearly I can't even get through this story without using all caps b/c it's such a fresh memory and one in which I can't get over. So currently, b/c this isn't the first time she's done this, I'm looking for carpet runners and trying not to spend over $140 b/c I'm 99% positive that's she's going to chew on that in the meantime. However, if I accidentally step on a part of the carpet where there is no padding, again, and a pointed object goes into my heal or toe, again, I'm going to lock her out of the house. I think she actually stepped on that part the other day b/c I heard a yelp and instead of looking to make sure she was okay, I just sat there and smiled. I know it's terrible, but if she gets to feel a little of the pain that I'm dealing with, it would be nice. Misery loves company, right?

Now, onto what I wanted to talk about before I was so rudely interrupted this morning. Have any of you watched the Bachelor/Bachelorette? I used to watch it religiously. Found two blogs about it and loved to talk about it. A few seasons back I gave up. I couldn't believe I watched the whole season of the train wreck that was DeAAAANNA (long A). She made me mad at ABC and really disappointed in her for representing the single ladies. I mean, you honestly chose Jesse over Jason and you thought it was going to work out? Really?!?! Honey, I dated a guy who had kids and let me tell you from experience he's not just going to introduce them to anyone? So I gave up. I'd put all those years in from Trisha and Ryan to the Prince to Brad, I mean, I was loyal from the beginning and she ruined the entire show for me. I didn't even bother to go on to watch the whole controversial season where Jason was the Bachelor and made the wrong choice. Yeah, b/c no man in the history of earth has ever changed his mind. I gave it another go with Jillian b/c she seemed like a cool enough chick to get me back on the wagon, and in the end she chose my first choice (seriously Ed, if you get tired of her, call me). But the gamut of douche baggery that she met along the way was really unbelievable. So it got me thinking last night as I ended my hour of 24 and had a little while before I needed to head into the shower. I remembered that the new season of the Bachelorette was starting. Going against everything in my being that was telling me not to, I switched on ABC. I was morbidly curious as to what we were up against this year and in the 5 minutes that I could stomach, I wasn't disappointed. I saw an "entertainment wrestler" (I wasn't sure there were other ones) and a television weather man that actually blew the screen to make the wind move. I honestly can't make that up. As I'm watching, I'm thinking to myself, isn't TV supposed to be a break from reality? Shouldn't I get to watch a show like this and wonder how in the world she got that guy? And not think, wow, were they taping this show at any random bar that had way too many guys and a girl? If I wanted to watch douche bags on parade I could look back at some of the clowns that have graced my presence. I mean really ABC. Could you not maybe find some ridiculously good looking batch of guys that are probably gay and draw me back in? There is a reason that most of these guys are single. I mean look at Jake, the last Bachelor. Good looking guy who is looking for a wife. News flash a hole, you're an attractive pilot that lives in Dallas. Even a complete retard can land a wife there. These girls go to school to get their MRS degrees. (I think I was absent that year, or TCU stopped offering the class when I went) In any case, I'm begging you ABC, show us some hope in the single life. If I'm turning on the TV and see the same ole douche lords that are at my local watering hole, what hope are you giving us?

A Case of the Mondays

It's cloudy, it's a little chilly, and it's Monday. You're going for three for three today old Mother Nature. Being in bed was so much more awesome than getting up and going to work. But, my mantra of the day is, this is your last full week of work in Winston for a while. This is your last full week of work in Winston for a while. If you come by my office and my eyes are closed, but my lips are moving, this is what I'm mumbling. The worst part is, is that I originally had my alarm set for 6 this morning. My "plan" was to get up, do a little yoga and than come to work and do a little elliptical after work. I believe the football players call them two a days. But I woke up before my alarm and decided to do a one a day and that one was going to be after work. So I reset my alarm for 7 and went back to sleep. You know, until the routine pawing/barking started. I'd love to say that this morning was the first time in a month that I've acted like this, however the same thing happened to me on more than one occasion this weekend as well. I woke up at 7:30 on Saturday morning and SHOULD have done some kickboxing, but I didn't. I didn't even give myself an out, I just didn't do it. Then on Sunday I convinced myself that I was going to run at 4 that afternoon and ended up falling asleep on the couch. Which shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I had to be somewhere by 7 and I still had not gone to the grocery store. My intentions on my day on Sunday were different in the morning, as I went to Petsmart, bought a stake that I could put in the ground with a leash on it so that I could enjoy a little reading outside in the sun. I was going to go to the pool, but thought I was too restless to do even that. However, by the time I left the store, the sunny day had turned to rain and we had to drive back home with the top down and drizzle spitting at us. You might be wondering to yourself why I didn't just put the top up and drive home like a normal person? Well the short answer is, b/c I had shorts on, and enjoy the skin I have on my legs and thought that a little water would be much better than dog nails digging into me. I can't imagine what it is like being a dog, but if you ever get around mine when we decide to put the roof down or up on my car, it might be the most frightening occasion that ever happens to her. And then in turn, the most painful thing that ever happens to me. Anway, after our swim back home, I figured that all original plans were shot, so I thought I would do what I secretly really always wanted to do the whole day, which was turn my DVR on, watch a season finale of Brothers and Sisters. But instead, I fell asleep on the couch for 2.5 hours! I didn't even think I was that tired either. I guess drinking and eating like crap for two straight days will do that to a person. Plus, I'm getting back into my funk of this P90x crap isn't working and I'm feeling a little more deflated. Everyone has told me to look at the inches, not the scale. Go with how I feel, not how I look. But, I'm telling you, you guys wake up at 6 in the morning, and feel like you're busting your ass and you don't see results. You would feel deflated too. Especially when some of the guys around me are loosing in the upwards of 10 pounds and I haven't lost one. I thought this week would prove to be different. Since I was really watching what I was eating and only ate out once this week. Okay, twice, but I had a salad at each meal. It's almost like I need to get a trainer to kick my ass and do this p90x with me. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. Maybe boredom from the workout is causing me to plateau. Who knows, but something better happen soon! So, if any of you plan on laying out with me this weekend, just make sure you tell me how good I'm looking in my swim suit. Otherwise I'm looking into "lunch time lipo" and getting this done the easy way.
Off to enjoy my delicious banana.........

My deepest apologies

I had every intention of coming into work and sitting my sweet ass down to do my blog first thing this morning. However, we had mega printing project that had to be completed by noon. If there is an opposite of Green, my department just became that. Please don't send the waste of paper police to 540 N Trade St b/c I know 5 people that would be thrown into the back of that recycled paddy wagon. Needless to say, my end of the project just got done, so I now have the opportunity to catch you all up on what has been happening.

Big yoga news yesterday. I hit my first milestone. I actually made it past the 45 minute mark. I got into Warrior Three as displayed below:

Don't ask me where this picture was taken, or how I was able to place the camera on self timer and get back up into that very sturdy warrior three pose, but I'm kind of big deal. Anywho, I got up to warrior three and I didn't wobble or fall over or anything. I was so proud, so I thought, why not try to keep going? No use stopping now. So I leave my beach rock and head back to the studio for the half moon pose:

Again, I'm not falling. I'm not looking like this, but I'm not falling. This is big, I mean HUGE. I've been doing this workout for how long now? And now I can make it to 46 minutes?!?! Well, then out of nowhere comes this painful burning sensation. It's like nothing I've ever felt before. It was as if my ass cheek was on fire. And not the skin, but the actual muscle underneath. I don't think in my life my body has been in that position and then remained there for seconds of time. These seconds felt like a lifetime, until I finally just released. A feeling of pride mixed with pure discomfort was what was going through me. I'm guessing this is why Jennifer Anniston looks the way she does. If she's doing this nonsense more than once a week, she must have muscles on top of muscles. She's a good role model to have though. I mean, if I keep at this, I might actually be able to look like my yoga model counterparts :)

Big wine festival this weekend. The moment I have been preparing for, for what seems like eternity. It's time to jump off that wagon and play with the big dogs. For those of you who will be around me, I apologize, this could get ugly. I might not last that long considering I haven't really had a drop of alcohol in a month. Should be quiet entertaining. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!

My humps, my humps, my humps, my humps

Is it really only Wednesday? Man! I was so hoping that it was the end of the week. I think the worst thing in the world is when you wake up, or are woken up, just minutes away from your alarm going off. This has been happening the past couple of weeks and I'm growing very tired of it. I don't want to wake up at 6, let alone 5:45, or 4:30 as the case was yesterday. I kind of blame myself for that one though. Birthday cake didn't sit well with the little one. In any case, I'm waking up and getting my workouts done, but I'm getting bored. I'm glad this is the last week of Phase 2, but I realized that I've done all the videos. The last month is going to be a combination of everything I've already done. I can easily see how people give up on this thing. I'm not going to do it though. I've come this far and to throw my hands up in the air and just say, to hell with it, is not on the agenda. But I do wonder what I'm going to do next? Do I do the thing all over again? Do I go and buy heavier weights? Stronger resistance bands? New abs? I have no clue what July is going to bring. I was thinking, on my way into work today, about just giving up on the whole month of July all together. Maybe just quit my job and take the whole month off from everything. Head down to Costa Rica for a few weeks. See some friends I haven't seen in a while. Just do some travelling without the stress of work. This is at the forefront of my mind right now, so don't be surprised if I actually just go ahead and do it. And sure I might be doing some new things in June for a few weeks, but I'm not exactly taking time off work. Yes, okay, I'll be living in Monterey for close to 20 days, and living the life at Pebble Beach, but it's work people! For those of you I haven't told this information too, I apologize that you have to find out through blog. But hey, it's not like I'm just leaving town and wouldn't tell you. Either, the light in my office being dark, or me not returning emails, or just being "distant" would probably give it away that I wasn't around. I'm actually kind of worried how I'm going to get my workouts in while I'm out there. I have faith that they are going to get done. I am investing in a pull-up bar that I can travel with, but I'm not bringing my weights, so bands are going to have to do. I know I can do this. I know I can get through these last 44 days....Geez, I guess I didn't realize I was only half way through. Holy cow. A brief moment of reflection. I've been working out for 46 days now. Hmmm. It's definitely time to kick this sucker up a notch. And PS, who knew I would write a blog this consistently for this long either. I think I'll make myself a cake tonight from such an accomplishment...As Tony would say, "I'm kidding".

Birthday Party!

I will fully admit that I'm a nerd. I like Harry Potter, both movies and books. I can't wait for the attraction to open in Orlando. I watched MMC (Mickey Mouse Club) growing up. And not the ones in black and white, the JC Chaze years, and I secretly wish that I could Netflix these episodes. I sing, loudly, in my car to songs and don't care who sees me. I laugh at my own jokes. And I actually am what I eat. My favorite candy is Nerds. But I think the creme de la creme of my nerdiness heightened last night. You see, yesterday was Scout's first birthday. Now, I thought about throwing a little doggie party and inviting over some of her doggie friends for a little play date, but I did just vacuum the floor about 400 times removing as much dog hair as I possibly could, this weekend. And I really didn't want a bunch of wet dogs in my house for a few hours. WAY too much chaos. So I settled for a cake. Where does one start to look for a cake? Why Google, of course. I found a recipe for a Peanut Butter Delight Cake. As I'm reading through the ingredients, I'm thinking that this wouldn't be a terrible recipe for a human cake. So after work I head on over to the local grocer and I buy all ingredients that I need. (Side note, this will now be the third time in three days that I've been to this same grocery store as my list that I put together was incomplete.) I head on back to the casa where the birthday girl awaits. She's chomping at the bit. Sticking her little head as close to the counter as she can get it, to see what's going on up there. I keep telling her that I'm making this for her, if she would just give me a few minutes to finish. Pop that sucker in the oven and wait.......for 40 minutes. I think I'm more excited about this than she is. As a matter of fact, I know I'm more excited about this than she is, b/c I actually know what's going on. All she hears me say is Scoooout blah blah blah blah treat soon. She doesn't know what cake is, but I sure do. Once the 40 minutes is up, I now stick that bad boy into the fridge to have it cool faster. I think this process took another 40 minutes. Time to make myself some dinner. At least it will take my mind off, what looks like a savory treat in the fridge. Once the cooling process was over, it's time for the icing! No, I didn't use sugar icing. What, do you think I'm crazy?!?!!? No, this recipe called for cottage cheese as icing. I know, YUCK. If I thought I was going to test this thing out before b/c of all of the things I put into it, now I want out. Here is our masterpiece:

Okay, this shot is far away and not as pretty as some other pictures I've taken in my day. And no, this isn't a chunk of where I took a piece out for myself, but for the birthday girl. Here she is in action:

All in all, I think it was a pretty successful night. Okay, yes I tried some of the cake which makes me equally as bad as my cousin Bobby who ate a Snausage when my brother and I told him it was a Slim Jim, but whatever. It's not like it had monkey brains in it or anything.

Oh how far we've come in a year. Thank you Scout for being you. I love you and glad you came into my life. You've certainly saved me from a lonely, lonely life.

Life Lessons

I had sort of an Oprah "ah ha" moment this weekend. After a week of eating like pure garbage, it's exactly how I felt. I had no desire to workout at all last week. Every time my alarm went off, I wanted to go back to bed, and most times I did. I did work out later that afternoon, but still didn't really want too. As a matter of fact, this weekend, besides walking around in, what seemed like one million degree heat, I didn't do anything. I took a two hour nap yesterday on my couch after going to the dog park. THE DOG PARK. You would have thought that I was the one running around the field by how tired I was. So, Friday night, as I'm shoving Teriyaki Scallops into my pie hole I realised, what in the world am I doing?! What am I working out this much for if I continue to eat like this? How am I going to make any progress putting all these calories into my body? And why am I so tired? Well, after a trip to Ben and Jerry's, (I mean at that point, what difference did it actually make) I decide to tally up everything that I've eaten since being on mini vacation:
Pizza
Pasta, baked and original
Ice cream
BBQ
Cheeseburgers
Gyro
Hibachi
Twizzlers
Then I stand on the scale. NO WEIGHT LOST. The good news is, no weight gained either, but come on! And thanks to the most wonderful compliment in the world from Erin, my shoulders and back do look like I've been working out. But I cut out alcohol for what? Just to replace it with the rest of the crap on this list. I had to throw Twizzlers at Robert and make him eat the last ones just b/c I didn't want them in my office anymore. My whole logic is, I need to get rid of it and I've already bought it, so why not eat it and then I won't be tempted anymore? When in reality I shouldn't buy it in the first place. I have two of those Warm Delight things in my pantry and have been there for over two months now, but all they do is taunt me. Every night I go to that pantry, I open the door and I pick up one of those two delicious temptations. I look at the back and think, well if I only eat half of it then I'll only eat 170 calories. But then reality steps in and I put that devil disguised as heaven down, close the door and sit back down on the couch. I won't just eat half of that thing. My half will be so distorted and I'll feel so bad that I actually ate it. So why not throw it away? Do you know women? Do you have women in your life? We MUST have chocolate somewhere in the house. When cravings hit, you MUST give in. But these aren't cravings every night. These are shouts from the depths of the pantry where it seems that my yummy treats are being held hostage and want me to come release them. But today, I won't! Today I am going to be tough. Today we're back on the wagon. Well, it actually started yesterday, but Today is the day we look that garbage in the eyes and say, NO. This week we will not go out to eat. This week we will not open that pantry door just to see. This week we're moving back in the right direction. Getting back on that horse and making more changes that we can see. This week, these baby steps are going to be giant leaps, but they'll get easier each time I shove that spinach leaf into my mouth, I'll think it's a chocolate covered strawberry. So, to those of you who read this in Winston Salem, don't think of asking me to lunch and if you see me walking in that direction, stop me, tackle me and ask me what I'm doing. Tell me to think of what I did that morning and is it worth it to just throw it away like that? But don't say it to me on Friday. Friday's don't count :)

Happy Monday y'all!

They're all going to laugh at you!

How many of you out there have heard the old Adam Sandler bit about working out? Basically it's a "man on the street" interview where a tape is played to "unsuspecting" audience members and there are people making noises. The listeners are supposed to decipher whether the people on the tape are having sex or working out. If you haven't heard it, look it up or find some way to listen to it, b/c it's hilarious! I mention this b/c there are moments during my workouts where I might not be looking at the video, you know concentrating on my moves and all, and there is this sound. It's not a squeak of a shoe, or a drop of sweat on the ground, or even a barking in the close vicinity of ear shot. No, it's something way more graphic and isn't designed to be on a workout video....or is it. Well, not the kind of work out that I'm presently doing. I'm talking about moaning. It's so graphic and distracting. And something that I've noticed before, but never really thought twice about. However, it only took me over a month to say something about. I wasn't sure what I was working with here. Look, I get it, some of this stuff is tough. Some of this stuff, as I've mentioned, I want to quit and not do anymore. But, moan? No. That wasn't even a fleeting thought. It's not even the first thing I do while working out. When I used to go to the gym and hear the people doing their presses or their arm thingys, I heard them make noises and I thought that was a little silly. But I never thought, if I closed my eyes, that I was not in a gym. And mind you, these aren't just quickie, one and done type moans either. These are constant, inappropriate, porn star moans. I can't believe I've missed them until this point. I think I noticed them, but just went along my merry way. But today, I couldn't get passed it. And we're doing legs no less! Sure, grunt after everything is said and done, but this is not fun. Punch, cuss, kick, scream, but stop making me write an entire blog about what I think you all are doing when the cameras aren't rolling. Maybe what I should do is audiotape myself and see if I do it too. I would think that by now I would notice myself making those noises, or really any noises. I knew that I was dying this week with these workouts, and I'm sure that I had a few things exit my lips that shouldn't have, but a moan? Never. Perhaps next door is big giant snog fest and I'm just one of the lucky ones that get to hear the fruits of their labor. I feel kind of like the girl that found the misprint on the Disney ride. Only, instead of a free trip for me and my family of four to the Magic Kingdom, I need to start putting cotton in my ears and go back to church!

Folds

When I was 25 I had a quarterlife crisis of sorts. I felt that nothing that I was doing in life was making any difference in the world. I wanted to do something big. I wanted to do something that might actually change my life. So I made the decision to run a marathon. Statistically only about 2% of people in the world complete a marathon. I didn't know this fact until I finished, but it's still pretty impressive. I picked my route, I found a training group, and I began the process. For about 5 months of my life, my Saturday mornings consisted of waking up anywhere from 5-7 am and heading down to the running trail to meet my group for our long runs. It started out simple enough, with a light 5 mile jog. Learning how to pace and how to break up your running with some walking mixed in to help your endurance. Once we got to 20 miles, our long runs went backwards. For those of you who don't know, if you can run 20 miles straight, you can run a marathon. Experts tell you not to run more than that before the big day. The point of me telling this story is the following. Needless to say, after all that running I felt that I was in pretty good shape. I worked out 6 days a week with a rest on Fridays (and sometimes Sundays). Although I wasn't really lifting weights, or watching what I was eating, I was still doing a ton of cardio during the week so I could blow through food pretty quickly. I was dating this guy at the time and we decided to take a trip down to Texas to hang out for the weekend with two of my favorite people on earth. Since it was the summer, we had decided to go out on the boat. I'm not one to go around flaunting my stuff in a bikini around the guy I'm dating, but I figured, I was training for a marathon. I was already feeling good, I know I have to look good, right. Well, as I'm making the big reveal, I decide to sit down. We are on a boat after all. And after 4 months of training and feeling good about my accomplishments, good ole Gay Steve looks at me and says, "You can really tell that you've been working out. You have less rolls than you used too". If the whole world was doing what was going on in my head I think the earth stopped rotating. The three of us just looked at him, in pure shock. I wasn't sure if I was mad, b/c I lost all feeling. Bo (husband) says, "did you really just say that?". To which Laura responds, "Do you think that was a compliment?" Now this happened YEARS ago, so maybe the conversation didn't go exactly like that. And maybe me punching him in the face where he flipped over backwards and fell overboard and drowned right there while we drove the boat over him didn't happen either. Like I said it was a while ago, but it obviously sticks with me and not in the negative sense. It actually makes me giggle when I look in the mirror to notice my changes and say to myself, wow Katherine, you don't have as many folds as you used too.

There are good ideas......

And then there is what I witnessed last night. I'm on my way to softball when I was stopped by something I don't think I've been stopped by in Winston Salem, ever. A moving train. I'm on my merry way, following the directions from Mapquest when I notice break lights in front of me. Thinking that this can't really be happening and this train couldn't be that long, and where did it come from, and where is it going? And is it mine? Is this my train?!?!?!? Am I finally at the right place? Yes, I thought of all these things, I had time. Then it stopped. Stopped where I could see the caboose. Stopped where I contemplated, could my car take that jump? And then I witnessed something where I had to scratch my head. A lady, on her cell phone, in the front of the line of cars, directly next to the train track, which had a big giant train on it, tried to turn around. My mouth was agape. I couldn't actually believe that she was making this move. I could see her on the phone too. I'm assuming her boo piece was yelling at her to get her sweet cheeks home stat and didn't believe there was a train in front of her. Maybe he was on fire. Maybe the house was on fire. Maybe he was out of beer. There could be no other good explanation as to why you would remain on the phone while a giant steel engine was in front of you. So I waited it out for a little bit as car by car turned around. Eventually after sitting there for what seemed like eternity, I did turn around, but I wasn't on the phone and I wasn't next to the train. Sometimes I do wonder what people think is so important that they have to talk during times they could easily just call back. I know I'm just as guilty for doing it, but isn't admitting you have a problem, starting the solution?

I wish I had a p90x review for you all today. After a lengthy discussion last night about snooze alarms, I had the mother of all snoozes. Alarm went off at 6 and I was so comfy and sleepy in bed that just stayed there for another "hour". I literally turned into 2 of the 7 dwarfs in a matter of moments. Grumpy and Sleepy arrived around 7:15 when I finally put my feet on the floor. I had to do something to stop the barking. I'm working on becoming all 7 of the dwarfs today, however some of them would be a huge stretch in becoming. Perhaps I'll work on being a Smurf or Care Bear or My Little Pony instead. One of them has to be obtainable somehow. That might be easier. Wow, even talking about childhood cartoons is bringing me closer to Happy. So, now we've got three, this is going so well! If there is a grocery store smurf or errand running smurf, I'll be all over that in an hour! Oh yeah, the Smurfs totally have it made. check it out! http://bluebuddies.com/help/smurf_names_and_list_of_the_smurfs.htm

Last Dance :o(

Right now we are approaching t-minus 2.5 hours left in mini vacation. It's been a nice little getaway for the past few days and of course it's sunny and warm right now. The first day was awesome! Sunny and warm and we were able to lay out most of the day. Well, until our little massage angel showed up and elevated our Saturday to heaven. The rest of the time has truly been very relaxing, but chilly. Looks have been very deceiving. We would sit in the great room and look out the window to blue sky's and sunshine, but you went out there and the wind could literally cut right through you like a knife. One day I decided to get a little brave and head out to read for a little while. It was so nice until that wind came and I couldn't get inside fast enough. And I've already mentioned the dogs. It's been crazy. When it's feeding time you would think these two were lions in a cage going after raw meat. I've never seen anything like it. But of course, we finally figured it out with hours left to go. Well, at least we'll know for next time. Scout, eats outside, anyone else has to go in a secret hiding place where she doesn't know where they are. And she doesn't even eat! She's so picky you'd think she had an eating disorder. Who trains this girl anyway....

But what ending to a vacation would not be complete without a little Tony Horton. I think everyone should have a little Tony in their lives. And as I did my workout from hell (Plyometrics) so many things shot through my head. How does this guy talk while he's instructing? I'm standing there with my hands on my knees, sucking wind and he's cracking jokes. No hint of tiredness until about three quarters of the way through he's breathing a little deep and throws the big guy into the mix. Actually dropping the Hey Zeus, correcting himself and then saying Jeepers. Tony, no one has said the word Jeepers since 1925, let alone a grown man getting me as close to death as humanly possibly. Say what we're all thinking. Say what you did the first, oh I don't know, 6 times that you did this. Say, holy shit! What in the world am I doing?!?!?! If I did this every day for 10 days, I would probably loose 100 pounds. Make me believe that you are real and not a robot. B/c I'm on day 37, have done this particular workout 5 times and it still isn't getting easier. I'm dripping with sweat, my head is covered and you're acting like it's a stroll through the park. Now, it does make me hold out hope that if this guy can do that and look the way he is, I still have MILES to go before this thing gets to where I need it. But lets get real Tony, say what you're thinking, b/c the rest of us that are doing the exercise have already said way worse to you out loud.

Ummm....thanks?

So I wake up this morning to start my P90x training when my step mom asks, "what is this thing supposed to be doing?". I say, getting me fit and and lean. To which she responds, "is that how you feel right now?"....Hmmmm, how does one respond to that? I was until you asked me the question, only person that has seen me in a swim suit since I started this routine. The whole emotional high of feeling like my tummy was getting flatter was popped all with one innocent question. So on top of working out, I took an hour long walk with the two dogs and the step mom, just to make it feel like I'm doing a little more. Plus, if I can delay the abs process a little longer, that would be awesome!



It's been a great relaxing weekend at the beach house which has crept into the week. Sadly I'll be leaving tomorrow, but since it's been a little chilly during the day, I don't mind so much. Plus, the puppies are starting to fight so it might be best that we are leaving soon. And I'm not talking little snaps here and there, I'm talking full on Old Yeller cock fights that are scaring everyone around them. It's like they both went rabid and are out for blood. But then the next minute they are fine and chasing each other around like nothing ever happened. I think in my next life I want to come back as a dog and learn to forget anything that has happened to me moments before.



Off to the hot tub to see if I can roll back time.

The Long and Winding Road

In a shout out to my girl Married Spice, Mel W (You see what I did there Melanie? I made you my very own Spice Girl.) here is the latest YouTube clip which is sweeping the nation! If you haven't seen the original video, I suggest you might want to YouTube that one first as you might not understand what's going on, much like I didn't. Creative, yes, but when you have no idea what's really going on, it just looks like a bunch of men dancing.

Yoga update! I think I'm actually catching onto this thing. After a month of struggle, I finally was able to swing my legs through to "Runners Stance" without having to pull that monster through. Who knew that you stayed in downward dog to do that move? This girl was trying to swing her leg the length of her entire body while staying in plank position. Lesson number one to those of you rookie Yogies, don't do this! It's about one million times easier for your body to be raised than not. What a ding dong. That all being said, I still can't make it past the 45 minute mark without thinking I'm going to fall down and break my neck. I made it through each one of the exercises up to that point without stopping so I'm going to go ahead and call that a win. Who knows? Maybe in a weeks time I'll have gained my balance back and have some new trick on how to balance on one foot while sliding my hand down my leg, on the floor, and shooting the other one into the sky. And then maybe in a weeks time I will have won the lottery, fallen in love, and been swept away to some island starting with St. This is how likely the Yoga trick will happen.

Back to mini vacation. See you suckas on the flip side.

Seis de Mayo

I swear I was going to name this one Good Karma, but was sidetracked by a "joke" that was told to me this morning. A "special" young man came to my office door and here is how my work morning started:
BT:Katherine, do you know what today is?
KG:What's that Big Tree (reference Big Tree Fall Hard in blog one or two)?
BT:It's Seis de Mayo....
KG:Yes, yes it is.
BT: No, that's the joke.
KG: No, that's the date
This is the kind of nonsense that goes on in this guys head. And he thought it was a joke. I can just picture this guy on one of those late night Spanish talk shows where everyone is laughing and joking and Big Tree has no idea what's going on or what's being said and only repeats the date in his native Spanglish speaking tongue. And then thinks that the reason everyone is laughing is b/c of what he said. When in actuality in both English and Spanish they are both befuddled at how ridiculous a grown man is for going around repeating the date in Spanish. He's just a big dumb animal folks.

So onto my good karma story. Last night I was early to my hair appointment and decided that I needed to swing by my local Harris Teeter to pick up some ingredients to make my fajitas last night. Walking past the impulse aisle, I notice that razor refills were still on sale. Knowing how much these things normally cost, I thought, this is a sign and I should really pick them up. I mean, they're $10! That's a steal. So I go to to the self checkout with my fajita mix, guac mix, and razor refills. $.99, $,99, $11.49. Oh, you there, young man....Please, kind sir, these razors are on sale. They rang up as $11.49 and they are supposed to be $9.39. He has to get on his microphone and call over the woman that is literally 10 feet away. She checks out the situation and I walk her over to where the razors are. Apparently they are no longer on sale, but the sign is still up. So, they take the razors off the total and I stand there waiting for the new price. Junior is telling me that I can pay now. But, the razors need to be put back on. Folks, let me let you in on a little secret! If a grocery store still has an item sale sign for an item that is no longer on sale and you find it, you get that item FREE OF CHARGE. I couldn't believe it. I walk out of the grocery store only paying $2 for all of my stuff. I kept waiting for someone to stop me on my way out. Like I stole something. And in a way, I kind of did. I've never been so happy over something so small. THIS is the magic of Cinco de Mayo! Which then continued on to today where Scout went to the bathroom all in one trip, I got through the doughnut line and to work on time. No, the doughnuts were not for me, but getting through the line and to work on time is honestly a miracle in and of itself. The only thing that could have worked better is if Scout sat still for her ear drops. Have you ever had one of those Wet Willy toys. You know, those little water snakes that you can't quiet grab b/c they keep slipping out of your hands? Well, imagine that toy wet. And then imagine that toy having four legs, fur, nails, and teeth. And then that toy has an ear infection and the only thing you have to do is put these ear drops in their ears twice a day. It sounds easy enough. And it should be b/c these things are supposed to be helping. But apparently I'm shooting knives out of this bottle and when it's shown there isn't an area in the house that is not covered by trying to escape there. I've tried putting her in between my legs and locking down, but I'm afraid she'll break her own neck trying to escape. I've tried pinning her down on the floor, but she wiggles away. I've tried tricking her when she's sleeping, and that's the worst one b/c it was like I was trying to kill her. Grabbing her collar is useless and sticking the thing in my pocket like a sneak attack doesn't work either. So, I now have to devote at least 10 minutes every morning to chasing her until she puts herself in a position that she can't escape. Good thing her attention span of pain is short so she loves me again before I leave the house.

Okay, okay, I tried going a week without talking about the dog, but when your morning ritual involves so much effort, I feel like I have to share. Plus there was no P90x this morning, what else was I going to share?

Cince de Mayo

Most every year this happens to be one of my favorite holidays. Who doesn't love the smell of fajitas and the delicious taste of margaritas on your lips? Living in Texas was the life! Every Cinco de Mayo we would head over to Pappasito's and take up space outside on a picnic table and drink ourselves silly on margaritas. We'd even get to take home the glass! Oh, those were the days. But now, living in NC, it seems like it's taken what I've grown to love and turned it on me. It's almost like the UT of Mexican food. Like depending on who they're playing, or what your comparing it to, you want to hate it, but hold out hope that it's going to be good. But, it just never is. I'm telling you, if you've ever eaten NC Mexican, it will certainly taint your opinion of what real TexMex should taste like. I mean, they don't even call it queso, it's cheese dip!!! CHEESE DIP! So now here's the dilemma. Do you go out and celebrate your favorite drinking holiday in the world but know that you're not drinking b/c you are testing yourself to see if you can make it to the wine festival? Or do you go home and make fajitas and watch La Bamba and think of the good ole days? To some of you, this might seem like a no brainer, but to those of you who know how deeply I despise NC Mexican food, you know what a challenge this is for me. There are three tequila bottles sitting on my desk. Three FULL tequila bottles. Sure they're airplane bottles, but it's still the same alcohol, just in mini Katherine form. There is plenty for three drinks. Oh the torment, the pressure, the decisions!

BTW, I took pictures this morning of the 30 day "change" and considering that I'm back near my starting weight, you can only imagine how much those pictures don't look much different than what I started with. It's a little bit of a bummer, which is why I might be leaning more towards drinking this evening. So, the bottom line is that you will not be seeing these pictures as I will not be showing the growing public what we're working with. I just hope that in the near future I get a double take in that bikini I'll be rocking in a few weeks and someone else will notice my changes. Damn you Cookout milkshake! Why do you tempt me so?!?!?!?!

The Big 3-0

No, it's not my 30th birthday today, we passed that milestone years ago, but it is a pivotal moment in the P90x process. This morning we reached day 30, month one, of our total body experiment experience. Although I had a few rough weeks where I thought that nothing was happening, all I had to do was take the advice of other P90xers and give it some time. It's not something that's going to happen overnight, and it didn't. I am proud to announce that as of this morning, we are only one pound over where we started, which means that we have lost 3.5 from where we were a few weeks ago. I have yet to do the measurements, which I will be doing tonight, but I feel great. Had my yearly physical yesterday and due to the diet changes, my doctor has informed me that all my numbers are right on track which is not information I could have revealed a year ago. Not that I wasn't eating healthy, but I wasn't eating great either. I wasn't taking enough care and consideration as to what that serving of pasta was really doing to my body. But today, I'm feeling good. Even though I crave it almost daily, I don't want to go to Mr. Lu's and get those steamed dumplings and pork lo mien. I think my body would reject it. And I think I would have lost more weight this weekend had I not eaten about 12,000 Doritos and drunken about 1 million beers and a hamburger AND hot dog. I would like to claim that the chips and meat were eaten after the first 100 beers were consumed. What is a girl to do when playing lawn/beer Olympics? (SIDE NOTE: I highly encourage everyone to create their own local lawn/beer Olympics, b/c it is a great way to get to know new people and have a great time outside)


So, we're onto Phase Two and so far so good. After taking last week "easy" getting back into the Plyometrics was no easy feat. I'm still waiting for any takers on my challenge too. But the new lifting exercises are great. I haven't had to use the pesky pull-up bar for anything than ducking into my bathroom. But hey, my ultimate goal is to be able to do one full pull up without assistance before this thing is over, so I've got 60 more days to get that done. And just for the record, I'm not getting my chin any closer to that bar.

One more update before I go. The dog toy science experiment was going well until yesterday when Scout ripped through Todd's head to get to his squeaker. The good news is, he doesn't have any stuffing, but he now doesn't have a squeaker either. Indestructible toy length 17 days. I'm keeping that sucker though. Until it begins to be consumed, it's still viable in my book. Poor little Todd. He's fox by the way, and if any of you can guess the reference in which I named the toy after, there's a big muscley hug in your future!